Marketing

Commercial Interests Sieze Control of GPS

Beaverton, OR: Local resident Julie Pike was driving home from work this past Friday, when she realized she had just parked her car in the parking lot of a local Big Buy store. Not only had she just parked in front of Big Buy, but she was in the very act of leaving her car […]

Spicy Food

Not so very long ago, I was wandering about at random with my children, when we happened upon a small market (or equivalent) selling a wide variety of spicy sauces, spicy condiments, spicy salsas, and, as far as I could tell, not much else. In a boldly calculated move to entice customers, the retail establishment […]

Multilingual Alarm Clocks

Have you ever felt frustrated with your alarm clock? Not because it didn’t wake you up in time for that critically important early morning stagger to the coffee shop, and not even because it did wake you up when you really wanted to sleep in on a Monday morning, but simply because it was boring? […]

Declaration of Independence to Display Ads

It appears that the United States of America has a fairly large national debt. How large? Estimates place the figure somewhere in excess of eighteen trillion dollars. Since this debt is so large, we’ve been wondering, here in the central office of The Flying News, how we can get some of that money. At least, […]

New FDA Rules to Limit Use of Adjectives

Do you enjoy free-range, grass-fed, boneless, skinless, additive-free, organic, all-natural, extra-virgin margarine? Or are you addicted to expeller-pressed, unrefined, unhomogenized steak? If so, stock up on these products now, as FDA regulations taking effect next month will make these, and many other, foods impossible to obtain (at least legally). The new FDA regulations occur in […]

New Fords May Require Gluten-Free Gasoline

Last week, Ford™ announced that, starting next year, select vehicle models will require gluten-free gasoline. This announcement has caused a significant amount of concern for motorists, many of whom fear that gluten-free gasoline may prove expensive or hard to obtain. Nicholas Cunniff, a spokesman for the American Association of Medical Mechanics, has publicly criticized Ford’s […]

Automotive Underbody Cameras

Having you ever been driving along, thinking of this and that (or perhaps even of the other thing), when all of a sudden, without prelude, warning, or justification, you are seized and overpowered by an urge to see the asphalt directly under your car? If you have, you know that slamming on your brakes and […]

Swedish Heavy Metal Group Sings Virgil, in Latin

Inside sources report that Swedish heavy metal group Svart Död is preparing a new concert tour highlighting performances of Virgil’s Aeneid in Latin. Lead singer Lukas Bergström explains that: While heavy metal typically appeals to a fairly restricted demographic, classic Latin poetry has a much wider audience. We hope to broaden the appeal of heavy […]

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