The Ultimate Guide to Propaganda

Bears don't eat people. People eat people.

If you like propaganda, you’ll love our new book The Ultimate Guide to Propaganda. If you dislike propaganda, you’ll really enjoy our new book The Ultimate Guide to Propaganda. If you hate, fear, and loathe propaganda, then you can’t live another day without our new book The Ultimate Guide to Propaganda.

Most people enjoy several hours of propaganda every day without even realising it. Just think back to the television program you watched yesterday evening, which you will most certainly be watching again this evening or next week, depending on the schedule. You always enjoy it. You love it. It’s your favourite form or relaxation. Exactly.

The value of this book starts with its insights into what makes propaganda so appealing. According to Chapter 1, propaganda (plural) normally have the following characteristics:

  • A covert message
  • Lies and/or an evil aim1
  • Distribution towards an audience who is unprepared/powerless to resist the message.

While this sounds easy enough, in practice creating truly convincing propaganda requires skills most people don’t have. Which is why you need The Ultimate Guide to Propaganda. For instance,

  • Have you ever tried to convince your spouse that the colour green is inherently better than the colour pink?
  • Do you want to sell beauty products that have disgusting side effects?
  • Do you enjoy torturing plants and want other people to stop harassing you when you do?

You’ve probably had some trouble engaging in the above activities, because you haven’t yet learned how to harness the power of propaganda to convince the masses that you are in the right, despite the glaring fact that you are in the wrong. With The Ultimate Guide to Propaganda, you will have the confidence to propagandise like the best of them.2

If you are struggling to make ends meet, having trouble keeping a steady job, or just want to lord it over everyone around you, this is the time to buy The Ultimate Guide to Propaganda. And if you are wealthy, comfortable, and just need a little more room to do what you like to do, now is the time to buy The Ultimate Guide to Propaganda. It’s like a good book, only better. It will make your stomach churn and your head spin, and you won’t be able to put it down. You’ll lose sleep reading it, but it will pay big dividends in the morning even before you eat breakfast.

In fact, The Ultimate Guide to Propaganda is the secret solution to the problem of world hunger, but will make you rich at the same time. Since everyone needs The Ultimate Guide to Propaganda at some time or other, The Flying News has decided to graciously accept money in return for it, even though we normally do not sell things. We actually had to convince Vim Vocifero to let us sell it, so concerned are we for the Common Good that we couldn’t in good conscience hide it any longer. And what is more, we even decided to lower the price for all three editions from the originally planned retail price.

Price List3
The Ultimate Guide to Propaganda: Government/World Power Edition $19,999,999.00/£14,999,999.00
The Ultimate Guide to Propaganda: Business Edition (same as the Government Edition except for the price) $100,000.00/£72,000.00
The Ultimate Guide to Propaganda: Personal Edition (same as the Business Edition except for the price) $10,000.00/£7,200.00
The Ultimate Guide to Propaganda: Third World Edition (same as the Personal Edition except the price) $50.00/£36.10/930 Pesos

Read The Flying News daily, and enter the Horoscope Contest. You’ll be sorry you did, but you’ll love every minute of it, and you’ll never regret it.4

FULL SPEED AHEAD! NEVERMIND THE DOUGHNUTS!!!

  1. Such as world domination, persecution of certain people, general politics, or profiting from the sale of useless products.
  2. “Them” refers to an undefined mass of people usually considered evil, but who are actually good in terms of the topic under discussion.
  3. Prices subject to change upon receipt of order.
  4. Nougat: the best tasting plant-based candy innards that will give you that warm and fuzzy feeling all day long.

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