During a press conference last Tuesday, United States President Donald Trump startled the audience by proposing to rename the Atlantic Ocean. “I’ve always believed,” Trump stated, “that it is manifestly unfair that only one country on this planet has an ocean named after it, and even more unfair that that country is India. In order […]
A new study, “Automated Bathroom Fixtures as a Contribution to Obesity in So-Called Advanced Societies,” appeared last Tuesday in the Journal of Luddite Studies Concerning Advanced Technology. This article, by Silvius Fractor and Jacob Leland, argues persuasively that a significant and previously unrecognized factor in the so-called obesity epidemic is the proliferation of automated bathroom […]
Winter is coming, and it’s coming fast.1 Are you ready? Very likely not. Studies reveal that as many as seven out of every nine Americans are not properly prepared for winter. However, we are here to help. In conjunction with The Society for a Fat America, The Flying News has prepared this handy self-help guide […]
While some unmentionable parts of the world are experiencing an explosion (no pun intended) of obesity, other unmentionable parts of the world (France) have continued to cut back the amount of food served on a plate, which looks fancy and slims down the population at the same time. The introduction of the novel—not a book—”Foodless […]
In yet another interesting move by a more or less self-regulated department of American government, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) issued its Official Breakfast Recommendation (OBR) last Sunday, when they ought to have been home for the weekend. The OBR states that, “in order to keep Americans Fat, Dumb, and Happy (FD&H)”, the FBI […]
The ‘inflation’ of women’s dress sizes is old news.1 However, until recently, men have had to suffer the indignity of seeing their pants size increase, even as their wives’ dress size has decreased. The United States Bureau of Sizes and Measurements (USBSM) has—finally—made a move to address this distressing situation. Since men’s clothes are measured […]
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