The Society for a Fat America

Automatic Bathroom Fixtures Lead To Weight Gain

Vim Vocifero

A new study, “Automated Bathroom Fixtures as a Contribution to Obesity in So-Called Advanced Societies,” appeared last Tuesday in the Journal of Luddite Studies Concerning Advanced Technology. This article, by Silvius Fractor and Jacob Leland, argues persuasively that a significant and previously unrecognized factor in the so-called obesity epidemic is the proliferation of automated bathroom […]

How to Fatten Up for the Winter: A Flying News Exclusive

Vim Vocifero

Winter is coming, and it’s coming fast.1 Are you ready? Very likely not. Studies reveal that as many as seven out of every nine Americans are not properly prepared for winter. However, we are here to help. In conjunction with The Society for a Fat America, The Flying News has prepared this handy self-help guide […]

Foodless Meals Grow in Popularity (and in Household Gardens)

Jim Jocifero
A beautiful foodless meal.

While some unmentionable parts of the world are experiencing an explosion (no pun intended) of obesity, other unmentionable parts of the world (France) have continued to cut back the amount of food served on a plate, which looks fancy and slims down the population at the same time. The introduction of the novel—not a book—”Foodless […]

A Few Verses for Bakers

Jim Jocifero
A four-tier wedding cake, looks like chocolate and coconut flavour.

If you like baking, here are some suave, romantic verses of poetry to use on a sweet, plump, little cutie-pie, if one should come your way. Roses are red Violets are blue Sugar is cheap and so are you. Roses are red Violets are blue Butter is fat and so are you. Roses are red […]

FBI Recommends Doughnuts for Breakfast

Jim Jocifero

In yet another interesting move by a more or less self-regulated department of American government, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) issued its Official Breakfast Recommendation (OBR) last Sunday, when they ought to have been home for the weekend. The OBR states that, “in order to keep Americans Fat, Dumb, and Happy (FD&H)”, the FBI […]

Ten Things Your Doctor Won’t Tell You

Jim Jocifero

Always on the lookout for a good story, when I visited the doctor last week I was thinking about all the things my doctor never told me. (This led me to seethe with anger—boy, he sure got a high reading on that blood pressure test.) Not this doctor, not the last doctor, not even my […]

USBSM Introduces Larger Inches to Match Expanding Waistlines

Vim Vocifero

The ‘inflation’ of women’s dress sizes is old news.1 However, until recently, men have had to suffer the indignity of seeing their pants size increase, even as their wives’ dress size has decreased. The United States Bureau of Sizes and Measurements (USBSM) has—finally—made a move to address this distressing situation. Since men’s clothes are measured […]