Department of Defense to be Department of Offense

Field Marshal Marcel Hoffmann announced today that The United States Department of Defense1 will in the future be known as the Department of Offense: As George Washington said, “The best defense is a good offense.” And while, in modern America, we are committed to peace and no longer wage wars, we still want everyone to […]

Illiterate Man Caught Speaking in Palindromes

An illiterate man living under a bridge in the City of Angels, who identifies himself simply as “L.A. Al,”1 has been caught speaking in palindromes by locals and observant passers-by. This is causing quite a stir, as some find it amusing, others outrageous or even downright rude. For example, when a tourist couple asked him […]

New New York Law Allows Police to Ticket Drivers for “Being Mean”

Reckless driving is a serious offence, and typically involves endangering others’ well-being. But there is a definite number of drivers who are consistently rude, inconsiderate, and just plain mean, but who aren’t really guilty of reckless driving. “It used to be,” says NYPD sergeant Ronald Cole, “that we’d give them a ticket anyway. Maybe for […]

Pastor, That WAS My Cell Phone

Melted Cell Phone

Finnish Pastor Installs Localized Electromagnetic Pulse Generators Frustrated with his services being interrupted by cell phone calls, Finnish Lutheran pastor Petteri Piirto, decided to adopt a technologically advanced solution at his parish church in Västanfjärd, Finland. Working with MagnoPulse© Corporation, he installed highly focused Localized Electromagnetic Pulse (LEMP) generators over the doors of the church. […]

Eat As Much As You Want

The Chew Bag™ Maybe you like to eat, but are concerned about gaining too much weight, getting a hot dog stuck in your throat, or having your food decide to pinch you after it’s already in your stomach.1 Or maybe you don’t like to eat, but you like the taste of food. In either case, […]


Wack! WHAM: OW-OW-OW-OW-OWOWOWOWOW- Boink. “Hey, wait a minute.” “Why?” CRASH!!! “See what I mean?” “Why you LITTLE . . .” . . . bump . . . Clangangangangang. “All right then. You just come back here!” “Wait! See this?” “Yah.” CRASHCLANGBANGBONG . . . Boing . . . Boing . . . Boing . . […]

How to Talk to the Queen

Have you ever been taking a peaceful, quiet, non-confrontational sort of a walk, strolling languidly through a park or down a country lane, your mind full of the beauties of green growing things, when suddenly, without warning, you find yourself confronted with a queen, or perhaps a king, prince, princess, or some other such royal […]