Unmanned Passenger Flight Crashes

Public Domain image by George Johnson. Available at http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b9/Plane_crash.jpg

A test flight of an unmanned American Airlines drone crashed last night while flying over Las Vegas. The flight was originally going to carry 21 passengers, but all of them cancelled at the last minute due to supposedly coincidental schedule conflicts.1 At the time of the crash, air traffic controllers were trying to dissuade the […]

Department of Defense to be Department of Offense

Field Marshal Marcel Hoffmann announced today that The United States Department of Defense1 will in the future be known as the Department of Offense: As George Washington said, “The best defense is a good offense.” And while, in modern America, we are committed to peace and no longer wage wars, we still want everyone to […]

History of Soccer

While it is widely believed that the origins of soccer lie in the British Isles,1 new research by xenobiologist Tot Tibor reveals that this is almost certainly not the case. Ancient records indicate that the game was introduced into North America by extraterrestrials, with the first match reportedly played on the current site of the […]

Eat As Much As You Want

The Chew Bag™ Maybe you like to eat, but are concerned about gaining too much weight, getting a hot dog stuck in your throat, or having your food decide to pinch you after it’s already in your stomach.1 Or maybe you don’t like to eat, but you like the taste of food. In either case, […]

American Airlines to Begin Flying Passenger Drones

Based on public domain image by U.S. Air Force photo/Staff Sgt. Brian Ferguson - USAF Photographic Archives. Available at https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:MQ-9_Reaper_in_flight_(2007).jpg#mediaviewer/File:MQ-9_Reaper_in_flight_(2007).jpg

Unmanned Passenger Flights Scheduled to Begin in August! After receiving permission from the FAA in May, American Airlines announced yesterday that they will begin flying unmanned passenger planes. During flight, the planes will be controlled by a sophisticated artificial intelligence, with a human operator on call in case of emergency. The FAA requires takeoff and […]