Washington, D.C.: According to anonymous reports from an unnamed federal agency, two employees were disciplined for stealing office supplies from the public. Duane McDouglas, managing accountant at K Street Tax Services, told The Flying News: “we were a little surprised when these federal employees came to inspect our records last Tuesday, but we decided to […]
It has come to our attention, here at The Flying News, that, in addition to attempting to shake down Ukraine for mineral rights, the United States government has issued an official email officially requiring all employees to provide five things accomplished during the past week. We thought this would be amusing to do here at […]
Unless circumstances beyond our control intervene, the official COVID-19™ emergency is slated to end on May 11th of this very year. This has caused a certain amount of consternation, and even distress, in some quarters. As one anonymous source explained to our intrepid roving reporter Ryan Rocifero, “COVID-19™ gave us an ideal excuse to avoid […]
Leechburg, Pa: Despite mostly peaceful community protests, the Armstrong County Library proceeded with a ‘Skin-Head Storytime’ yesterday afternoon. About twenty-seven children aged four through six attended, along with parents and other community members. When asked why the Armstrong County Library offered a venue for this distasteful event, Head Children’s Librarian Cassandra Ngo, who uses the […]
You would think, since we now live in a gender-neutral world™, that commercial entities would make the necessary efforts to ensure the sexlessness of their products and brand names. This, we regret to say, is far from the case. So, in the interests of progress, the advance of civilization, and the future of the human […]
RONALD MCDONALD! Voters and politicians everywhere were shocked, stunned, and speechless as the results of the recount were announced last night. Even those who insisted that the initial election count could not possibly be accurate were not expecting this result. But, as one thoughtful voter from Florida remarked, Really, this is a better result than […]
As most of you know (whichever side of the Atlantic you happen to be on), it’s election season over in the United States. The Americans are voting for their next president, because apparently they haven’t figured out how much easier elections are when you have a Royal Family with a well-defined method for choosing the […]
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