Poison

Is Homemade Candy on Your Holiday To-Do List? If So, Think Again

Everyone knows you can’t give out homemade Halloween candy. If you try to, it will be mysteriously injected with poison, and children will die.1 But most people don’t realise that the same applies to Christmas. Ever since the Dark Ages, that is, the 1950’s, strangers have been poisoning children. This is why children do not […]

Bane in the Olitory?

A Narrative of Personal Occurences Good morrow, readers. While not the ordinary type of intelligence encountered here, you may be interested in a thing that passed me lately. Whilst looking for something esculent in my olitory one day last sennight, I found a few doughnuts that were a little over-ripe, that is, past their prime. […]

Incredible Edible Weeds

Edible weeds

Not enough money for a stomach implant yet? No problem. The Edible Weed Eaters Society (EWES), a grassroots organisation which promotes eating edible weeds, estimates that we¬†are currently wasting—yes, wasting—91% of the edible vegetation in our yards and gardens. If we realised the benefits of these perfectly digestible delights of nature, we could supply much […]