My, how you’ve changed your clothes, I mean they range from head to toe, from hat to shoe, and some are old, but some are new. My, how you’ve aged the wine, I mean it stains, or is it cider vinegar? it tastes of pickles from a jar. My, how you’ve grown the farm, I […]
Poetry
Automatic Poetry Generator
Programmer Robert Burnish has invented a first-of-its-kind application in artificial intelligence, which he nevertheless claims is no more intelligent than its programmer. To create this “Automatic Poetry Generator” as he calls it, Mr. Burnish had to program in both rhyme and reason, a difficult task for programmers, who generally know nothing about poetry, and even […]
Slug
How to Win Any Argument
Studies show that the ordinary person engages in an argument approximately once every 1.20076 days (excluding Sundays and holidays, when arguments are more frequent). And how you go about arguing will determine whether, on the one hand, you end up feeling as if you have just demonstrated that your argumentative capacities are roughly equal to […]
Original Names for Girls
Matilda
Who told Lies, and was Burned to Death Matilda told such Dreadful Lies, It made one Gasp and Stretch one’s Eyes; Her Aunt, who, from her Earliest Youth, Had kept a Strict Regard for Truth, Attempted to Believe Matilda: The effort very nearly killed her, And would have done so, had not She Discovered this […]
The Tay Bridge Disaster
Secrets of the Ancients: Why Chaucer Couldn’t Spell
What thought, dear reader, flits first across the surface of your mind when you find yourself in the presence of such words as these: Hir coverchiefs ful fyne weren of ground; I dorste swere they weyeden ten pound That on a Sonday weren upon hir heed. Hir hosen weren of fyn scarlet reed, Ful streite […]