FDA Approves “Vegan Cows”

In a breakthrough of advanced biotechnology and cunning marketing, Amalgamated Universal Biotech Inc. (AUBI) announced that its Vegan Cow has now been approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). AUBI claims that its new product, secretly developed in Hidden Underground Research Labs (HURL), is 100% plant based and suitable for vegan consumption. This news […]

Identifying Trees

Have you ever been walking through the woods, minding your own business, when suddenly—and altogether without warning—you find that you are in the presence of one of those people who can identify trees? A harrowing experience, to be sure. But perhaps, God knows why, you feel the unfathomable, slightly perverse, desire to learn to identify […]

Transgendered Marijuana

Gender Equality for Weed Your typical plant has two sexes (male and female), and marijuana, Cannabis sativa,1 is no exception. For most plants, this simple biological fact isn’t a big deal, but it just so happens that in the case of marijuana, there is a definite prejudice in favor of the female sex. The explanation […]

New Interactive Approach to Evolution Allows Direct Human Influence

You know what? I frequently interact with plants in ways that are not entirely to my satisfaction. While poison ivy is the most obvious example of unsatisfactory plant-Vim Vocifero interaction, every time I run into a tree when I’m walking in the woods or find those annoying prickles attached to my socks after a long […]

Postage Stamp Gardening

  How Much Can You Really Grow?   Now that spring has finally arrived in the Northern Hemisphere, your thoughts, if you reside in said hemisphere, have, no doubt, turned to the outdoors, and to outdoor activities. And ranking high in popularity among outdoor activities—higher, perhaps, than even such fashionable activities as outdoor doughnut eating, […]

Direct Cloud Seeding

A Picture of Lettuce in the Clouds.

Old fashioned cloud seeding worked by bringing the water from the cloud down to the ground in the form of rain, hail, or, in at least one notable instance, milk. The plants, however, were stuck in the dirt the old fashioned way. A new technique elements that old-fashioned two-step process. Rather than planting tomatoes and […]

Vegetable Obesity

Careful observation shows that the plant pictured here is definitely suffering from morbid vegetable obesity.

Are your houseplants overweight? Obesity was once believed to be a problem primarily for the animal kingdom, but new research shows that vegetable obesity is becoming more and more of a problem. Super-sized plant life is especially abundant in suburban neighborhoods. One of the biggest problems for scientists working in this area has been coming […]