Money

Commercial Interests Sieze Control of GPS

Beaverton, OR: Local resident Julie Pike was driving home from work this past Friday, when she realized she had just parked her car in the parking lot of a local Big Buy store. Not only had she just parked in front of Big Buy, but she was in the very act of leaving her car […]

Descriptive Jottings of London

As I stood upon London Bridge and viewed the mighty throng Of thousands of people in cabs and ‘busses rapidly whirling along, All furiously driving to and fro, Up one street and down another as quick as they could go: Then I was struck with the discordant sound of human voices there, Which seemed to […]

A Scientific Guide to Doughnuts

When you enter your local doughnut shop, what do you feel? Do you experience confusion? Disorientation? A troubling inability to quickly and efficiently choose the absolutely perfect doughnut? A recent poll1 strongly suggests that such symptoms, collectively known as Doughnut Disorientation Syndrome (DDS), occur in approximately 27.500023 %± 8% of the population at large, both […]

Parents Bill Teacher for Child’s Cavities

Ludington, Wisconsin: When Amy Whatley, aged six, came home from the dentist with fourteen cavities, her parents sent the bill to the kindergarten teacher, Ms. Holzman. Amy’s mother, Louisa Whatley, explained that: For a girl who has never in her life had even one cavity to come home all of a sudden with fourteen cavities? […]

Declaration of Independence to Display Ads

It appears that the United States of America has a fairly large national debt. How large? Estimates place the figure somewhere in excess of eighteen trillion dollars. Since this debt is so large, we’ve been wondering, here in the central office of The Flying News, how we can get some of that money. At least, […]

Charles Augustus Fortescue

Charles Augustus Fortescue Who Always Did what was Right, and so Accumulated an Immense Fortune The nicest child I ever knew Was Charles Augustus Fortescue. He never lost his cap, or tore His stockings or his pinafore: In eating Bread he made no Crumbs, He was extremely fond of sums, To which, however, he preferred […]

Robber Blamed for Motorists’ Collision

When George M. McCloskey held up a convenience store with a banana, he had no idea that he would be sued for causing a massive, three-car collision. Late one night, McCloskey entered a convenience store in Grove City, Ohio. He stuck a banana into the small of the clerk’s back, demanding “Your money or your […]

Forever Dollar to Enter U.S. Currency

Forever Dollar design

Following on the popularity of the Forever Stamp sold by the United States Postal Service, the United States Treasury announced that it will introduce the “Forever Dollar” into the American currency system. Like the stamps which can be used for first class letter postage both now and in eternity, the Forever Dollar will be immune […]