A new study by Harvard physician Harvey Hess published on Tuesday in the Journal of Authentic Medicine (JAM) provides strong evidence that breathing is a significant cause of the common cold. While airborne viruses and air pollution are widely recognized as significant causes of the cold, Hess shows that the absorption of oxygen in the […]
Medicine
Signs of Life: Popular Places for Giving Birth
Once upon a time, it was standard practice for mothers to bear their children at home or in the local midwife’s hut (which often included a warm bath, for what nowadays we would refer to as a “Jacuzzi birth”). Supposedly, some European women even sought to give birth in a stable or cave where animals […]
Secret Cures for Secret Diseases
Teen Grounded From Internet Hospitalized
When Robert Q. Dahlberg III grounded his son, Robert Q. Dahlberg IV, from using the internet for a week, he had no idea that he was putting Bobby IV’s life in danger. For three days, Bobby IV endured this punishment (not uncomplainingly). On the morning of the fourth day, however, he was found by his […]
Ten Things Your Doctor Won’t Tell You
Psychopodiatry
Here at the global headquarters of The Flying News, we have the privilege of interviewing world-renowned psychopodiatrist Ulrich Fussheiler. After eating nearly a box of chocolate-glazed doughnuts, Fussheiler has agreed to undergo an interview. The Flying News: For the sake of those of our readers who don’t keep abreast of the latest developments in […]
MAA Defines Terminal Illness
In a formal proclamation yesterday, the Medical Association of America (MAA) officially announced a new definition of terminal illness. This new definition states that ‘Terminal illness’ shall be hereafter defined as any condition, state, or way of being which is certain to be followed by death after any definite or indefinite period of time. Tiffany […]
Bane in the Olitory?
A Narrative of Personal Occurences Good morrow, readers. While not the ordinary type of intelligence encountered here, you may be interested in a thing that passed me lately. Whilst looking for something esculent in my olitory one day last sennight, I found a few doughnuts that were a little over-ripe, that is, past their prime. […]