Meat

FDA Approves “Vegan Cows”

Vim Vocifero

In a breakthrough of advanced biotechnology and cunning marketing, Amalgamated Universal Biotech Inc. (AUBI) announced that its Vegan Cow has now been approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). AUBI claims that its new product, secretly developed in Hidden Underground Research Labs (HURL), is 100% plant based and suitable for vegan consumption. This news […]

After Recount, The Real Winner of the 2016 Election Is . . .

Vim Vocifero

RONALD MCDONALD! Voters and politicians everywhere were shocked, stunned, and speechless as the results of the recount were announced last night. Even those who insisted that the initial election count could not possibly be accurate were not expecting this result. But, as one thoughtful voter from Florida remarked, Really, this is a better result than […]

Converting Units of Horses to Cows

Jim Jocifero
Headless camel.

Dear The Flying News, How do you convert between units of horses and cows? Would it be correct to use their respective weights, the amount they eat, the cost of purchase, the weight of meat alone (lean or full-fat?), or meat plus gallons of milk produced? The reason I need to know is that I […]

Square Files Protest With International Steak Naming Association

Vim Vocifero

The square has officially filed a protest with the International Steak Naming Association (ISNA), calling the fact that there is no square steak a “grave injustice.” Rumors allege that the square initially attempted to convince the pentagon to join it in protesting. The pentagon, reportedly, was content with “enjoying exalted status in the worlds of […]

A Bovine Named Horse

Jim Jocifero
Triplane image based on a public domain image by Dryke, available at http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Tripe_silhouette.PNG.

There once was a bovine named Horse, who shunned all her sisters with force. She dressed all in silk, and she wouldn’t give milk, so her beef it became the main course. More News: A Triplet of Limericks Instant, Personalised Thank You Letters A Tiger and a Killer Bee whose Home was a Cedar Pete […]