• Never. Really. In first grade, I would pretend to have a headache when the other kids were playing dodgeball. Even as a baby, I preferred chilling on the couch to the exertion of crawling around.
• I exercised once. Somebody stole my doughnuts, and I had to run for a few steps to get them back. But that was the only time, I promise.
• Exercise? What's that?
• Don't ask!
• I read The Flying News so assiduously that I get a lot of exercise laughing.
• Whenever I run out of beer.
• Once in a while I walk in my sleep. But I'm always sorry afterwards.

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