Have you ever wondered if your name has a secret meaning? Do you stay up nights and ponder how you came to be called “So-and-so” or “What’s-his-name?” And if, perhaps, therein lies the meaning of your life, which you have diligently searched out here, there, and everywhere, yet still have yet to find? Search no […]
As stated in a previous post, our famous horoscope contest was entirely rigged. So unless you send us your contact info again, we will not be able to award any prizes. A certain Jonathan Axelrod supposedly wrote all the entries, which is what tipped us off to the fact that it was rigged; but here […]
The Flying News Horoscope Contest is officially closed.1 I want to personally2 thank all the readers who submitted horoscopes for the contest. It was truly stunning what you came up with, and if you didn’t enter, then you totally missed out. However, I have some bad news: it appears that the contest was rigged.3 All […]
Dear Vim Vocifero, I read your article on Vegan Cows, and I’d like to purchase one. Do you know where to get them? Sincerely, Janet Dear Janet (if that’s your real name), Unfortunately, I don’t think the cows are for sale to individuals. Usually, these sort of companies license their bio-products to large-scale farms that […]
Horoscopes – and a Contest! Do you like free fortune tellings? Do you like free bumper stickers? If you answered YES to these and other questions, then, boy, have we got a deal for you! To celebrate the almost-anniversary of our twenty-somethingth anniversary, we are prepared to give away three (that’s 3!) free bumper stickers! […]
Aries: Your life blows by like the wind in a hurricane. But don’t worry, eventually it will end. Taurus: Ride around on your bike, fall down, scrape an elbow, get back up, repeat. Gemini: Sometimes you just don’t know if your life is worth living. And then you read your horoscope, and you realise, everything’s […]
Aries: You will receive an unwelcome visitor, most likely arriving by air. Taurus: In the dead of night, if you’re not asleep, you should be. Gemini: Your future is entirely unpredictable. Cancer: Yes, still sick. Try radiation. Lego: Traumatic brain injury foils your plans for afternoon tea. But there’s always tomorrow. Virgo: To save money […]
Aries: If you read your horoscope today, it won’t come true. Taurus: If you read Aries’ horoscope today, it won’t come true. Gemini: You’d rather be building a spacecraft. Cancer: Start working on your bucket list. Leo: Oel. Virgo: River deep, mountain high. Libra: Tip the scales, see what happens. Scrappy-o: A bit of a […]
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