Government

Federal Employees Disciplined for Stealing Office Supplies

"Büroklammern -- 2021 -- 6481" by Dietmar Rabich. CC BY-SA 4.0 via Wikimedia Commons.

Washington, D.C.: According to anonymous reports from an unnamed federal agency, two employees were disciplined for stealing office supplies from the public. Duane McDouglas, managing accountant at K Street Tax Services, told The Flying News: “we were a little surprised when these federal employees came to inspect our records last Tuesday, but we decided to […]

12 or 13 Things the Government Won’t Tell You About Submarine Duty

Jim Jocifero

How long can you hold your breath? If you could swim a nautical mile in someone else’s shoes, would your feet stink less or more? Is Blackbeard’s treasure at the bottom of the ocean or did the goldfish eat it all? These are the questions you ponder when you think about joining the navy, but […]

Declaration of Independence to Display Ads

Vim Vocifero

It appears that the United States of America has a fairly large national debt. How large? Estimates place the figure somewhere in excess of eighteen trillion dollars. Since this debt is so large, we’ve been wondering, here in the central office of The Flying News, how we can get some of that money. At least, […]

Lines in Praise of Tommy Atkins

William Topaz McGonagall

Success to Tommy Atkins, he’s a very brave man, And to deny it there’s few people can; And to face his foreign foes he’s never afraid, Therefore he’s not a beggar, as Rudyard Kipling has said. No, he’s paid by our Government, and is worthy of his hire; And from our shores in time of […]

Step Aside, Tea: Coffee is Where It’s At

Vim Vocifero

Real Men Drink Coffee The political anti-tax group known as the tea party used to be the last word in extreme American politics. This year, though, the tea party just isn’t extreme enough. “Governing is a privilege, not a right,” argues Alexander Gottlieb, of Plymouth, WI, “and rather than taxing us, the government ought to […]