New Product Review: Universal Portable Fire Lighter Once upon a time (and not that long ago), cigarette lighters were everywhere. You could buy them in stores, borrow them from friends, or find them lying in the gutter. But when was the last time you smoked a cigarette? What with so many places banning smoking in […]
Fire
Matilda
Who told Lies, and was Burned to Death Matilda told such Dreadful Lies, It made one Gasp and Stretch one’s Eyes; Her Aunt, who, from her Earliest Youth, Had kept a Strict Regard for Truth, Attempted to Believe Matilda: The effort very nearly killed her, And would have done so, had not She Discovered this […]
Things to Do in a Dentist’s Waiting Room
Have you ever found yourself sitting in a dentist’s waiting room, wondering how to pass the time while listening idly to the gentle sounds of the office: the soft whine of the drill, the subtle rattle of the bone saw, and the other patients’ muted screams of agony? If you have encountered this quandary, if […]
Book Review: Cheesy Stories for Walrus Lovers
Morris, Stephen Q. Cheesy Stories for Walrus Lovers. Santa Ana, CA: Cheesy Stories, 2015. 192 pp., $13.55, cheap grayish paper. Following on the mediocre success of Cheesy Stories for Browns Fans and Cheesy Stories for 39 Year Old Female College Students, Cheesy Stories, Inc. has come out with a new book: Cheesy Stories for Walrus […]
Holiday UncheerĀ©
Cheer, as everyone knows, can mean (among various other meanings that I am not interested in discussing today) three distinct things: (1) A feeling of gaiety, mirth, or cheerfulness;1 (2) A loud shout or acclamation expressing applause, joy, enthusiasm, cheer (1), or approbation; and (3) Alcoholic beverages of all kinds, particularly those set forth to […]
Ferris Wheel Stuck Upside-Down
One of the most popular rides at fairs and amusement parks, the Ferris wheel is usually considered one of the safest, a ride for all ages. However, as sometimes happens with roller coasters and other such amusements, one Ferris wheel at a fair in Downpatrick, Northern Ireland, recently got stuck upside-down. The cars were filled […]