A new study, “Automated Bathroom Fixtures as a Contribution to Obesity in So-Called Advanced Societies,” appeared last Tuesday in the Journal of Luddite Studies Concerning Advanced Technology. This article, by Silvius Fractor and Jacob Leland, argues persuasively that a significant and previously unrecognized factor in the so-called obesity epidemic is the proliferation of automated bathroom […]
Shoppers Beware! A new scam may have already come to a supermarket near you. In many stores in our country, whole milk, low-fat milk, and skim milk sell for the same price. Cream, however, is much more expensive. It has come to our ever attentive ears that organized crime has developed an ingenious way to […]
By the looks of past exhibits, I’d think artist Jeanine J. Eninaej was a primary school art teacher, exhibiting works by her worst students to wake up the masses to the unfortunate Future of Art in the post-postmodern world. But in fact, she exhibits her very own original “art” at some of the most “prestigious” […]
Winter is coming, and it’s coming fast.1 Are you ready? Very likely not. Studies reveal that as many as seven out of every nine Americans are not properly prepared for winter. However, we are here to help. In conjunction with The Society for a Fat America, The Flying News has prepared this handy self-help guide […]
In yet another interesting move by a more or less self-regulated department of American government, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) issued its Official Breakfast Recommendation (OBR) last Sunday, when they ought to have been home for the weekend. The OBR states that, “in order to keep Americans Fat, Dumb, and Happy (FD&H)”, the FBI […]
The ‘inflation’ of women’s dress sizes is old news.1 However, until recently, men have had to suffer the indignity of seeing their pants size increase, even as their wives’ dress size has decreased. The United States Bureau of Sizes and Measurements (USBSM) has—finally—made a move to address this distressing situation. Since men’s clothes are measured […]
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