Expletives

The Battle of El-Teb

William Topaz McGonagall

Ye sons of Great Britain, I think no shame To write in praise of brave General Graham! Whose name will be handed down to posterity without any stigma, Because, at the battle of El-Teb, he defeated Osman Digna. With an army about five thousand strong, To El-Teb, in the year 1884, he marched along, And […]

Department of Defense to be Department of Offense

Vim Vocifero

Field Marshal Marcel Hoffmann announced today that The United States Department of Defense1 will in the future be known as the Department of Offense: As George Washington said, “The best defense is a good offense.” And while, in modern America, we are committed to peace and no longer wage wars, we still want everyone to […]

Slapstick

Vim Vocifero

Wack! WHAM: OW-OW-OW-OW-OWOWOWOWOW- Boink. “Hey, wait a minute.” “Why?” CRASH!!! “See what I mean?” “Why you LITTLE . . .” . . . bump . . . Clangangangangang. “All right then. You just come back here!” “Wait! See this?” “Yah.” CRASHCLANGBANGBONG . . . Boing . . . Boing . . . Boing . . […]