How to Make a Jelly Doughnut

Someone cutting a dessert.

Easy Recipe – Only Two Ingredients! Welcome back to another episode of The Flying News Cooking Channel! In this episode, we will teach you how to make a Jelly Doughnut! With only Two Ingredients! What could be better?! Well, maybe a Cream Doughnut. Or a Jelly Waffle? Or a Jelly Waffle Whipped Cream Doughnut! Now, […]

On Buying a Motor Vehicle

Recently,1 I’ve been considering buying a motor vehicle. This makes me quite an expert on motor vehicle purchases—or maybe it just makes me an expert on considering buying a vehicle. Anyway, whether my expertise is a purchasing expertise, or merely a consideration expertise, I’ve managed to break the process of purchasing, or at least of […]

How to Bleach Your Hair

Laundry symbol for non-chlorine bleach when needed.

If you’ve never bleached your hair before, you might find yourself wondering about the process: Does hydrogen peroxide really make your hair blonde? Should I try it? How will it look? Will my friends still like me? Who are my friends anyway? What if they’re not my friends at all? Well, I can’t answer all […]

Book Review: Beginning Clarinet for the Moderately Intelligent

Ryan Rocifero And His Clarinet We didn’t know that Ryan Rocifero was interested in the clarinet until we heard squeals as of pigs being cruelly tortured issuing from the basement of our building. Rushing down the stairs, we found him—Ryan Rocifero, that is—using (or attempting to use) a book called Beginning Clarinet for the Moderately […]

FBI Recommends Doughnuts for Breakfast

In yet another interesting move by a more or less self-regulated department of American government, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) issued its Official Breakfast Recommendation (OBR) last Sunday, when they ought to have been home for the weekend. The OBR states that, “in order to keep Americans Fat, Dumb, and Happy (FD&H)”, the FBI […]

Move Over Curling, Here Comes Flailing

A new sport is vying for attention on the world scene, and its proponents are challenging The Powers That Be to include it, rather than Curling, in the next Winter Olympics. The sport is called Flailing, and, like Curling, is normally played on ice, with special shoes (coincidentally called “ice shoes”). However, some players practice […]

Man vs. Doughnut

WARNING: This article contains a frank discussion of doughnuts and uses words of three, four, and five letters. Today, at the international headquarters of The Flying News, we are hosting a very unique contest: Ron Rocifero does battle against a glazed doughnut. Now, at first glance this may seem a very unequal contest. After all, […]