Given the sheer volume of fan mail we’ve received over the last several months with questions, comments, and occasional insults, we thought it was time for an interview with Vim Vocifero, our fearless/half-hearted leader and Supreme Exponential Reinvigorating Assistant Sub-Editor in Chief, to give our readers a new and exclusive, uncensored, behind-the-scenes look at His […]
Doughnuts
How to Make a Jelly Doughnut
Easy Recipe – Only Two Ingredients! Welcome back to another episode of The Flying News Cooking Channel! In this episode, we will teach you how to make a Jelly Doughnut! With only Two Ingredients! What could be better?! Well, maybe a Cream Doughnut. Or a Jelly Waffle? Or a Jelly Waffle Whipped Cream Doughnut! Now, […]
Book Review: The Only Book About Anything At All You’ll Ever Need To Know
I. M. Genius. The Only Book About Anything At All You’ll Ever Need To Read. Omniscience Press., 2018, 11,293 pp., $57.93 hardcover. If there’s one thing I like in a book, it’s intelligence. And this book, if the title is anything like accurate, promises a double helping (at least). So it was with high hopes […]
On Buying a Motor Vehicle
Recently,1 I’ve been considering buying a motor vehicle. This makes me quite an expert on motor vehicle purchases—or maybe it just makes me an expert on considering buying a vehicle. Anyway, whether my expertise is a purchasing expertise, or merely a consideration expertise, I’ve managed to break the process of purchasing, or at least of […]
How to Bleach Your Hair
If you’ve never bleached your hair before, you might find yourself wondering about the process: Does hydrogen peroxide really make your hair blonde? Should I try it? How will it look? Will my friends still like me? Who are my friends anyway? What if they’re not my friends at all? Well, I can’t answer all […]
Book Review: Beginning Clarinet for the Moderately Intelligent
Ryan Rocifero And His Clarinet We didn’t know that Ryan Rocifero was interested in the clarinet until we heard squeals as of pigs being cruelly tortured issuing from the basement of our building. Rushing down the stairs, we found him—Ryan Rocifero, that is—using (or attempting to use) a book called Beginning Clarinet for the Moderately […]
FBI Recommends Doughnuts for Breakfast
In yet another interesting move by a more or less self-regulated department of American government, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) issued its Official Breakfast Recommendation (OBR) last Sunday, when they ought to have been home for the weekend. The OBR states that, “in order to keep Americans Fat, Dumb, and Happy (FD&H)”, the FBI […]
Move Over Curling, Here Comes Flailing
A new sport is vying for attention on the world scene, and its proponents are challenging The Powers That Be to include it, rather than Curling, in the next Winter Olympics. The sport is called Flailing, and, like Curling, is normally played on ice, with special shoes (coincidentally called “ice shoes”). However, some players practice […]