“Rosa Parks Man” Refuses to Give Up Seat on Bus

Last week, a bus driver politely asked a middle-aged man to give up his seat at the front of a crowded Chicago bus for a woman in the late stages of pregnancy. The man caused quite a stir when he refused, accompanying his refusal with a self-righteous tirade on civil rights and the defence of […]

Gender Controversy at ‘Muggle’ Quidditch World Cup

At the North-East U.S. Quidditch Regional Finals last month, the Montpelier (VT) Marauders set off an international controversy by fielding 7 players who, to look at them, all seemed to be male, each one claiming to be of a different ‘gender’. “A little strange,” you might think, “but hardly major sports news, even for quidditch […]

Senate Candidate Caught Smoking Cigarette

Tracy Lake, who recently announced her candidacy for the U. S. Senate, shocked the nation when she was found smoking a cigarette on her back porch two evenings ago. The early days of her candidacy had been plagued by persistent rumors of tobacco use, but her denials had—at least seemingly—convinced critics that she was, in […]

A Motorists Creed

Credo I believe in petroleum distillate. I believe that an expensive car enhances sexual fitness. That a car’s horsepower directly correlates to intelligence. That the larger your car is, the better you are. That if you pick your nose in your own car, nobody can see you. That I can drive safely while drunk, texting, […]

A Manifesto on Censorship

Friends, Enemies, Readers of The Flying News wherever you may be, for too long now a little noticed, but very grave, practice has been disfiguring our public life. To what do I refer? Well, let me tell you the story of how I came to be aware of this menace to civilization. As Heraclitus said, […]

600 Pound Dog Banned from Multi-User Path

Irene Campbell is protesting a ban prohibiting dogs weighing more than 500 pounds on paved multi-user and bicycle paths. The ban was issued by the Walpole, Massachusetts department of Parks and Recreation. Erik L. Hernandez, spokesman for Parks and Recreation explains: Just as heavy trucks cause disproportionate wear of public roads and are prohibited in […]

Affirmative Action Traffic Lights In San Diego

This week, the traffic lights in the city of San Diego (California) will begin to take action—affirmative action. “In the past,” explains traffic commissioner Melissa Pruett, “too many of our traffic lights were not sensitive to bicycles waiting at an intersection. As cyclists are legally required to wait at stop lights, these maladjusted lights gave […]

Former Planet Earth Now Really an Asteroid

Public domain image (NASA) available at http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Earth-Moon_System.jpg#mediaviewer/File:Earth-Moon_System.jpg.

When Pluto was demoted from a planet to a cartoon character, nobody really cared.1 But now that the same thing has happened to our own planet, we’re all very upset. Last week, the International Astronomical Congress decreed, by a 57-40 vote, that what was formerly known as the planet Earth will now be known as […]