Computer

Man Waits Three Years for Pizza Delivery

Marvel at the precision of the ingredient placement on this Precise Pizza.

A Southampton bloke named Arnold1 decided to order a pizza one day. Little did he know this pizza would cost him three years of his life. It was about six o’clock in the spring of 2016. Arnold called the local pizzeria.2 A waiter took his order, entering all the necessary information into the new computerised […]

Supreme Court Rules EULA Invalid Without Legal Counsel

Have you ever involuntarily sold your eldest child, your soul, or your prize poodle Fritzy?1 If so, chances are roughly 1.3242579 x 10A Very Large Number to 1 that you did so by signing a Computer Software License (EULA). Our astute readers will already have realized that these agreements are carefully designed by behavioral psychologists […]

Instant, Personalised Thank You Letters

“Dear Reader [insert YOUR first name here], I am deeply grateful that you have continued to support The Flying News by reading this article and for the wonderful difference you have made in the last 3 minutes by clicking the link that brought you to this page. Once again, from the bottom of my bottomless […]

Plumbing

Despite the fact that I was trying to sleep in, it has come to my ears that someone has been going around claiming that everyone needs to learn how to write computer programs. There may be some truth in that: when I play chess against my computer, being able to re-write the program so that […]

ISO Deprecates Biomorphic Computer Terminology

Not so many days ago, I, in complete innocence and meaning no harm, happened to mention that my hard drive had ‘died’. No sooner were these words out of my mouth, however, when a muscular, uniformed, and very impressively armed man grabbed the collar of my shirt and pushed me against the nearest wall. This […]

Be Careful Where You Use Your Phone

Early this morning, J. Loretta Reese was quite surprised to find a picture of her left foot entirely covered in mud. She wasn’t surprised to see that her foot was covered in mud—she remembered that very clearly. What surprised her was finding a photo of her muddy foot posted on a public web-site, as she […]

Native Coders

The idea of teaching your child more than one languages from birth is not particularly new or original. In fact, in the world today there may be as many bilingual as there are monoglot children.1 What is new about the Natural Coding Movement is the other language which child is taught: from birth, the baby […]

Aggressive Mode for Driverless Cars

Typical results of aggresive driving.

While mainstream automotive companies including Nissan™1, Audi™, and Toyota™2, and technology companies such as Google® and nVidia®3 have been making a lot of noise about driverless cars lately, the Barbie™ division of toy company Mattel® has been secretly testing more than fifty self-driving cars in a suburb of Chicago. Over the six months of testing, […]