Car

The Zombie in My Room

Modern Life™ has never been more dangerous than at present. Not only do we suffer from all the ordinary dangers which have plagued the human race for millenia—disease, accident, invading Persians, hungry Tyrannosauri—but we now have at least fourteen utterly new kinds of hazards, each one completely without precedent. I am not here thinking primarily […]

Commercial Interests Sieze Control of GPS

Beaverton, OR: Local resident Julie Pike was driving home from work this past Friday, when she realized she had just parked her car in the parking lot of a local Big Buy store. Not only had she just parked in front of Big Buy, but she was in the very act of leaving her car […]

A New Way to Reserve Your Parking Space

Have you ever, when running late for an appointment, wished that there was some way you could make sure that a parking space was ready when you arrived at your destination? Have you ever, in moments of frustration, idly daydreamed about moving parked cars out of your space with a forklift? Frustration Free, Inc. has […]

New Fords May Require Gluten-Free Gasoline

Last week, Ford™ announced that, starting next year, select vehicle models will require gluten-free gasoline. This announcement has caused a significant amount of concern for motorists, many of whom fear that gluten-free gasoline may prove expensive or hard to obtain. Nicholas Cunniff, a spokesman for the American Association of Medical Mechanics, has publicly criticized Ford’s […]

Hi-Viz Black

It used to be that bright colors really got you noticed. Fire engine were painted the imaginatively named fire engine red so that they’d stand out among the mob of black model-T Fords, and red haired girls stood out amid the blondes and brunettes. These days, however, fire engines look muted and tasteful—you hardly even […]

Automotive Underbody Cameras

Having you ever been driving along, thinking of this and that (or perhaps even of the other thing), when all of a sudden, without prelude, warning, or justification, you are seized and overpowered by an urge to see the asphalt directly under your car? If you have, you know that slamming on your brakes and […]

Robber Blamed for Motorists’ Collision

When George M. McCloskey held up a convenience store with a banana, he had no idea that he would be sued for causing a massive, three-car collision. Late one night, McCloskey entered a convenience store in Grove City, Ohio. He stuck a banana into the small of the clerk’s back, demanding “Your money or your […]

Aggressive Mode for Driverless Cars

Typical results of aggresive driving.

While mainstream automotive companies including Nissan™1, Audi™, and Toyota™2, and technology companies such as Google® and nVidia®3 have been making a lot of noise about driverless cars lately, the Barbie™ division of toy company Mattel® has been secretly testing more than fifty self-driving cars in a suburb of Chicago. Over the six months of testing, […]