In a breakthrough of advanced biotechnology and cunning marketing, Amalgamated Universal Biotech Inc. (AUBI) announced that its Vegan Cow has now been approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). AUBI claims that its new product, secretly developed in Hidden Underground Research Labs (HURL), is 100% plant based and suitable for vegan consumption. This news […]
Biology
Identifying Trees
Have you ever been walking through the woods, minding your own business, when suddenly—and altogether without warning—you find that you are in the presence of one of those people who can identify trees? A harrowing experience, to be sure. But perhaps, God knows why, you feel the unfathomable, slightly perverse, desire to learn to identify […]
Transgendered Marijuana
Gender Equality for Weed Your typical plant has two sexes (male and female), and marijuana, Cannabis sativa,1 is no exception. For most plants, this simple biological fact isn’t a big deal, but it just so happens that in the case of marijuana, there is a definite prejudice in favor of the female sex. The explanation […]
The Vulture
Baby Doughnuts
Have you ever wondered where doughnuts come from? The doughnut shop, of course. But all joking aside, while it is widely believed that doughnuts grow on trees, the journalistic staff of The Flying News thought it would be fun and exciting to figure out where doughnuts really come from. This was no easy task: the […]
Scientists Discover that Humans Have Toes
One of the highlights of this week’s International Conference of the International Union of International Human Phalangology, Midwest Division was a paper called “Confirmation of the Prevalence of Podiatric Phalanges in Homo sapiens: Humans Usually Have Toes.” Scientists at the State University of Northern South Dakota reported the findings of an extensive, multi-year study of […]
The Famous Tay Whale
Cow-Shark Discovered on Exoplanet
Last Wednesday, astronomers made an astonishing accidental discovery while studying the atmospheric composition of the exoplanet Gliese 581 c. Their observations demonstrated with absolute certainty that the planet is inhabited by an animal which has come to be popularly known as the Cow-Shark. Cindy C. Carnell, a xenoethologist at the State University of Northern South […]