Last Minute Christmas Shopping

Polls indicate that, if you are a typical American, Englishman, Australian, German, Peruvian, Bolivian, or Martian, there is a 92.4% chance that you have not yet finished your Christmas shopping. Well, The Flying News is, as always, here to help. We have prepared a superb list of last minute Christmas presents to help you avert […]

On Buying a Motor Vehicle

Recently,1 I’ve been considering buying a motor vehicle. This makes me quite an expert on motor vehicle purchases—or maybe it just makes me an expert on considering buying a vehicle. Anyway, whether my expertise is a purchasing expertise, or merely a consideration expertise, I’ve managed to break the process of purchasing, or at least of […]

Bicycles Banned from Bike Rack in Park

A bicycle rack labelled "NO BICYCLES"

So I’m wending me way through a little park on me bike, and I come upon this little bike rack. “Ah,” thought I, “a place to lay me bike while I take a walk through yonder woods.” And I was just readying meself for to lock me little bike upon this little rack, so well […]

Inflate Your Own Pizza

Much to my chagrin, I found myself, not long ago, walking past a freezer full of frozen pizzas. Alert as always, I noticed that some of the pizzas on display featured a “self-rising crust.” The logical concomitant of this fact was, of course, that, while the self-rising pizza is somehow the cause of its own […]

Lighter Air For Increased Efficiency

Content note: This article involves frank discussion of the molecular weights of different gasses and includes reference to professional bicycle racing. As anyone who has gone into a bicycle shop lately and tossed bicycles up into the air knows, much of what distinguishes a decent bicycle from an obscenely expensive bicycle is weight. For the […]

Affirmative Action Traffic Lights In San Diego

This week, the traffic lights in the city of San Diego (California) will begin to take action—affirmative action. “In the past,” explains traffic commissioner Melissa Pruett, “too many of our traffic lights were not sensitive to bicycles waiting at an intersection. As cyclists are legally required to wait at stop lights, these maladjusted lights gave […]

Sports: Cheating

While cheating in sports is nothing new, and professional bicycling is not one of the less notorious arenas for such cheating, rarely has cheating as innovative as this been seen in the world of sports. At the Finnish National World Championships stage race this month, the Submarine Classic Team had been consistently leading the field, […]