America

How 1 Song Cost Me £Thousands$

Twenty Dollar Bill by John Haberle, 1890

Now, I may not live in “America,” but I think I’m pretty good at counting money, whether it’s in dollar bills, or pounds, shillings, pence, ha’pennies, farthings, etc, etc, etc. . . . (By the way, I still got me a few two bob bits, but the darned old curiosity shop in town won’t take […]

Jim Jocifero for Resident

Jim Jocifero

== THE FOLLOWING IS A PLAID ADVERTISEMENT == The Flying News is not responsible for the contents, nor for the opinions expressed therein. VOTE JIM JOCIFERO FOR U.S. RESIDENT Dear Citizens1 of the United States, Iowa, Puerto Rico, and other Less Significant Territories: It is with heartfelt sincerity that I wish to impress upon you […]

President Obama Creates Special Presidential Commission to Study Supply of Pumpkin Pie

Vim Vocifero

United States of America: Recently, citizens of the U.S.A. have become concerned at reports that the supply of canned pumpkin is expected to fall short this year. In view of the great importance which Americans have attributed to the ritual use of pumpkin, President Obama has appointed a Special Presidential Commission™ to Study the Supply […]

Voting 101 or How to Vote like a Pro

Jim Jocifero

Everyone knows that voting in local and national elections is both a duty and a privilege. But how, one may ask, should I approach the elections to ensure the best result? How do I decide for whom to cast my vote? Party line? County line? Hair line? Water line? Here at The Flying News, we […]

Affirmative Action Traffic Lights In San Diego

Vim Vocifero

This week, the traffic lights in the city of San Diego (California) will begin to take action—affirmative action. “In the past,” explains traffic commissioner Melissa Pruett, “too many of our traffic lights were not sensitive to bicycles waiting at an intersection. As cyclists are legally required to wait at stop lights, these maladjusted lights gave […]

The Society for a Fat America

Vim Vocifero

Public domain image, "Die dick seyllerin," available at http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Die_dick_seyllerin.jpeg#mediaviewer/File:Die_dick_seyllerin.jpeg.

Many of the causes of obesity are accidental and unintentional. Manufacturers of Sweetsy-Sodsy™, Calo-Pops™, and Super-Sugary-Pastry™ don’t sit in their top-secret labs plotting to make you fat. They may or may not be culpable of negligence and lack of conscience, but they don’t particularly want to make you fat—as long as you buy their products […]