With the advent of automation in the latter half of the 20th century, political campaigns often obsess over the problems of unemployment for those whose jobs are gradually being replaced by robots. But many have overlooked an equally troubling phenomena: older robots being replaced by newer, more intelligent robots. Every year, as Technology™ creates newer, […]
AI
Unmanned Passenger Flight Crashes
A test flight of an unmanned American Airlines drone crashed last night while flying over Las Vegas. The flight was originally going to carry 21 passengers, but all of them cancelled at the last minute due to supposedly coincidental schedule conflicts.1 At the time of the crash, air traffic controllers were trying to dissuade the […]
Aggressive Mode for Driverless Cars
While mainstream automotive companies including Nissan™1, Audi™, and Toyota™2, and technology companies such as Google® and nVidia®3 have been making a lot of noise about driverless cars lately, the Barbie™ division of toy company Mattel® has been secretly testing more than fifty self-driving cars in a suburb of Chicago. Over the six months of testing, […]
Siri, Meet Guru
Computerized, voice-activated personal assistants like Siri and Cortana can do a lot to get you information and answer fact-based questions. But until now, there hasn’t been an application that could answer the real, deep questions you are asking yourself all the time, questions that require decisions. Siri and Cortana can answer things like: What time […]
American Airlines to Begin Flying Passenger Drones
Unmanned Passenger Flights Scheduled to Begin in August! After receiving permission from the FAA in May, American Airlines announced yesterday that they will begin flying unmanned passenger planes. During flight, the planes will be controlled by a sophisticated artificial intelligence, with a human operator on call in case of emergency. The FAA requires takeoff and […]
First True AI Crashes Entire Internet
While Alan Turing’s famous test was passed for the first time on June 7th, by a computer that convinced one-third of the human judges that it was a thirteen-year-old boy from Ukraine, nobody is taking this seriously as an example of real artificial intelligence.1 At best, the software was a somewhat successful imitation. Less widely […]
Murder of a Telephone Personality
While using the automated telephone service at the First Northbrook Bank, Herbert Barnes was the witness of the cruel murder of the telephone personality who was listing his latest transactions: It was brutal, truly brutal. One minute, the female voice is listing debits and deposits, then suddenly she breaks off in the middle of an […]
Heavy Metal was just the Thin End of the Wedge
When the late Michel Lotito became known for eating bicycles, airplanes, and chandeliers, his metallophagy was regarded as a remarkable curiosity, but nothing more. Recent developments, however, suggest that he was merely one of the first examples of the next stage of human evolution. It is now estimated that metallophagy is increasing by 2.75654% each […]