Last Minute Christmas Shopping

Polls indicate that, if you are a typical American, Englishman, Australian, German, Peruvian, Bolivian, or Martian, there is a 92.4% chance that you have not yet finished your Christmas shopping. Well, The Flying News is, as always, here to help. We have prepared a superb list of last minute Christmas presents to help you avert […]

Recipe: Charred Chard

While it’s likely you’ve at least heard of “chard,” you may, regrettably, have only the merest passing acquaintance with the substance. So we won’t assume anything. Rather, we’ll begin with the assumption that you’re about in the position of one of those hapless souls who purchases a “For the Complete and Total Moron” style publication. […]

Are YOU a Germaphobe?

How to Tell if You Are a Germaphobe a sure-fire method! You set a timer when you take food out of the oven to determine when to refrigerate it afterwards. You never eat anything that has been out of the oven for longer than 0.75 hours. You clean the seat of your chair with disinfectant […]

Is Homemade Candy on Your Holiday To-Do List? If So, Think Again

Everyone knows you can’t give out homemade Halloween candy. If you try to, it will be mysteriously injected with poison, and children will die.1 But most people don’t realise that the same applies to Christmas. Ever since the Dark Ages, that is, the 1950’s, strangers have been poisoning children. This is why children do not […]

How to Clean A Room

So you’ve read our previous article, “Organization for the Organized,” and you’ve mastered the basic organizational skill of list-making. Tremendous! You’ve accomplished something; you’re off to a good start. What’s next? Well, we can presume that you now have a few items on that list of yours. The chances are, as our diligent research indicates, […]

Organization for the Organized

So you’re already an organized person. Congratulations (you annoying snob). But now what? If, despite being organized, you want organizational advice, you find yourself at a loss. All the books purporting to give advice about this matter—and there are quite a few, as you know—were too obviously designed for the benefit of the jumbled, the […]

How to Grow Pickles

Pickles growing in a garden.

In “ye olden dayes,” everyone knew how to make their own pickles. These days, most people buy pickles from a grocer. But what you may not realise is that pickles are vegetables.1 And vegetables grow in gardens. Vegetable gardens, to be exact.2 Now you are probably asking, “But how does one grow a pickle?” And […]