News

The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Corporations Founded in NYC

New York, New York: Tired of witnessing the mute suffering and silent anguish, or, to put it more precisely, enraged and infuriated by the incessant incidences of abuse, mistreatment, and abominable neglect of corporations large and small, seven eminent businesspersons have taken decisive steps to “provide effective means for the prevention of cruelty to corporations […]

Unlimited Universal Credit and Loan Introduces Optional Bills

In the modern world, no one likes being coerced into doing anything. (There is some evidence that people didn’t like it in the ancient world either.)1 So it was, seemingly, only a matter of time before someone did what Unlimited Universal Credit and Loan (UUCL) announced just yesterday: instituted optional bills! Think how much more […]

Fender Bender Support Group for Traumatised Motorists

Anti-Theft windscreen scraper.

The latest support group taking over the world is a bit of a crash-course in handling trauma from minor automobile accidents. A growing number of motorists is finding solace in the Official Fender Bender Support Group (OFBSG), which takes its name from the informal American term for a minor road accident. The OFBSG began just […]

Disclaimers

Have you ever been driving along, minding your own business, and noticed one of those signs on the back of trucks? Not the ones that say How’s our driving? Call 231-231-2312 to complain. I’m talking about the kind of sign that says We are not responsible if rocks fall off our truck and break your […]

New Study Indicates that Text Boxes Are Replacing Thought Bubbles

In his groundbreaking paper “Text Boxes Replace Thought Bubbles,” psychologist Dean Tomey showed convincingly that the time-honored thought bubble is steadily being replaced by the text box. Tomey’s twenty-year study involved fMRI, EEG, and PET scans of thinking subjects of a variety of ages and cultures. These neuroimaging techniques revealed that 93% of thinkers over […]

Unlimited Internet Sales Introduces Sub-Prime

The Unlimited Internet Sales Corporation (UISC) recently introduced a new category of membership: sub-prime. This new category joins UISC’s current categories of outstanding, superior, excellent, and good enough. Okay, you might say—so what? Well, this new level of membership offers several important advantages: It’s free. While even ‘good enough’ membership requires a monthly fee, sub-prime […]

New Supermarket Scam

Shoppers Beware! A new scam may have already come to a supermarket near you. In many stores in our country, whole milk, low-fat milk, and skim milk sell for the same price. Cream, however, is much more expensive. It has come to our ever attentive ears that organized crime has developed an ingenious way to […]

Horoscope Contest Results!

Strange illusory hand building a paper house.

As stated in a previous post, our famous horoscope contest was entirely rigged. So unless you send us your contact info again, we will not be able to award any prizes. A certain Jonathan Axelrod supposedly wrote all the entries, which is what tipped us off to the fact that it was rigged; but here […]

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