Literature

My, How You’ve Changed

A bunch of coins, some with the Queen’s image

My, how you’ve changed your clothes, I mean they range from head to toe, from hat to shoe, and some are old, but some are new. My, how you’ve aged the wine, I mean it stains, or is it cider vinegar? it tastes of pickles from a jar. My, how you’ve grown the farm, I […]

The Tale of the Dog

Salivating dog.

A children’s story Once upon a time there was a dog. A big, brown dog, with shaggy fur and yellow eyes. He was a very brave dog. When strangers came by his house, he would not run away. He would bark at them. “Woof, woof!” the dog would say. And the neighbours would run away. […]

The Dog and the Cat and the Tire

Face of sleeping dog

Once there were a dog and a cat. “Woof, woof!” said the dog. “Meow,” said the cat. “Woof,” said the dog. “Meow, meow,” said the cat. And they talked for several minutes like this, until they got bored and walked away. The dog went to find some rags to chew on. The cat went to […]

Thank the Thankers

Plate of odds and ends

A Thank You Note to End All Thank You Notes Dear Mr. & Mrs. Thankers, Thank you very much for your “thank you note.” It was quite amusing, and gave us all a good, hearty laugh. Your (and I use the plural form) use of the words “amazing,” “incredible,” and “unbelievable” was not only amazing, […]

Slug

A frog in a tree.

No need to rhyme with a slug— Don’t be a bug under the rug, a tick who’ll tug. You feel snug but we all shrug, you’re just a bug. No need to rhyme with a slug— Don’t be a thug. That loot you lug makes you look smug; won’t last for long, They’ll take your […]

Matilda

Who told Lies, and was Burned to Death Matilda told such Dreadful Lies, It made one Gasp and Stretch one’s Eyes; Her Aunt, who, from her Earliest Youth, Had kept a Strict Regard for Truth, Attempted to Believe Matilda: The effort very nearly killed her, And would have done so, had not She Discovered this […]

Dawn

I was walking through a dark alley just before dawn one day, when suddenly it became light. And then it dawned on me. It was dawn. I mean, it dawned on me that is was dawn. But also, it was dawn. And that’s when it dawned on me. I wasn’t in a dark alley anymore. […]

Puns & Butter: A Half-Act Play

Granola, orange juice, and squash. Part of a complete breakfast.

The scene: A breakfast table, finely set. Two unknown figures seated at either end. Both speak in King’s English. A: Please pass the puns. B: The what? A: The puns. The puns and butter. I’d like some puns and butter. B: Well, if that’s what you want. [B passes something to A, which looks rather […]