Literature

The Tale of the Dog

Jim Jocifero
Salivating dog.

A children’s story Once upon a time there was a dog. A big, brown dog, with shaggy fur and yellow eyes. He was a very brave dog. When strangers came by his house, he would not run away. He would bark at them. “Woof, woof!” the dog would say. And the neighbours would run away. […]

The Dog and the Cat and the Tire

Jim Jocifero
Face of sleeping dog

Once there were a dog and a cat. “Woof, woof!” said the dog. “Meow,” said the cat. “Woof,” said the dog. “Meow, meow,” said the cat. And they talked for several minutes like this, until they got bored and walked away. The dog went to find some rags to chew on. The cat went to […]

Thank the Thankers

Jim Jocifero
Plate of odds and ends

A Thank You Note to End All Thank You Notes Dear Mr. & Mrs. Thankers, Thank you very much for your “thank you note.” It was quite amusing, and gave us all a good, hearty laugh. Your (and I use the plural form) use of the words “amazing,” “incredible,” and “unbelievable” was not only amazing, […]

Slug

Jim Jocifero
A frog in a tree.

No need to rhyme with a slug— Don’t be a bug under the rug, a tick who’ll tug. You feel snug but we all shrug, you’re just a bug. No need to rhyme with a slug— Don’t be a thug. That loot you lug makes you look smug; won’t last for long, They’ll take your […]

Matilda

Hilaire Belloc

Who told Lies, and was Burned to Death Matilda told such Dreadful Lies, It made one Gasp and Stretch one’s Eyes; Her Aunt, who, from her Earliest Youth, Had kept a Strict Regard for Truth, Attempted to Believe Matilda: The effort very nearly killed her, And would have done so, had not She Discovered this […]

Dawn

Jim Jocifero

I was walking through a dark alley just before dawn one day, when suddenly it became light. And then it dawned on me. It was dawn. I mean, it dawned on me that is was dawn. But also, it was dawn. And that’s when it dawned on me. I wasn’t in a dark alley anymore. […]

Puns & Butter: A Half-Act Play

Jim Jocifero
Granola, orange juice, and squash. Part of a complete breakfast.

The scene: A breakfast table, finely set. Two unknown figures seated at either end. Both speak in King’s English. A: Please pass the puns. B: The what? A: The puns. The puns and butter. I’d like some puns and butter. B: Well, if that’s what you want. [B passes something to A, which looks rather […]

The Tay Bridge Disaster

William Topaz McGonagall

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay! Alas! I am very sorry to say That ninety lives have been taken away On the last Sabbath day of 1879, Which will be remember’d for a very long time. ’Twas about seven o’clock at night, And the wind it blew with all its might, And the rain […]