Return Trip from the Moon

Boy wearing mask over eyes that reads "NO MASKS"

Funny thing—just back from a trip to the moon last week (I do travel occasionally), after being gone for nine months or so (no sense in hurrying back). Fine trip, quite relaxing, took a load off my shoulders, made me feel lighter than air.¹ Anyway, on my return, there seemed to be a lot more doctors around than usual. By the looks of it, practically every Tom, Dick, and Harry’s been promoted to doctor or nurse or dentist or something, because they’re all wearing these masks—and wouldn’t you know they won’t even step out of uniform to go to the grocery store. I consider it quite rude, of course, people speaking through that thing and expecting me to understand them. They’re probably sneering and sticking out their tongues behind that ghastly “face-cover.”

However, I have noticed a number of interesting slogans on some of these masks, and I duly noted them in my photographic memory to compile for your reading pleasure. So here you have it, the

BEST MASK SLOGANS IN THE ENGLISH-SPEAKING WORLD
or “WHAT in the WORLD were WE THINKING”
Still can’t make out exactly what some of them mean. Perhaps you astute readers can make more sense of them.²

I heart NY
I heart Coronavirus
I hate masks
Viruses are people too
Trust Me, I’m A Doctor.
Sick of it.
If You Can Read This, You’re Too Close.
If you can’t read this, come closer
Kiss me I’m Irish!
Leper.
Leper-chaun.
HELP ME I’M IN QUARANTINE.
At least God still loves me :(
People died making this mask.
NOT SMILING
I’m whispering to myself
I’m not sick I’m just following orders
Death and taxes
Don’t worry it’s just a costume
I don’t normally dress like this
Why Are You Staring At My Nose?
DISEASE
I do what I’m told
I used to be somebody/Now I’m a public health statistic
9 out of 10 doctors do what they’re told
Read my lips
Stupid is as stupid does
One word: Suffocation
DO NOT ENTER
WHO’S AFRAID OF CORONAVIRUS
I believe in the WHO
WHO’S WHO?
STOP THE CDC
I used to brush my teeth
All I wanted was some fresh air
BUT WHY?
Refrigerate after opening
Caution: human germs
Caution: sharp objects
I’m not as ugly as I look
Why doesn’t anyone believe me?
Masks make me sick
Take off that stupid looking mask
I guess the Middle Eastern women were right
Do I look as stupid as you do?
I’m afraid of Americans
COVID doesn’t kill people; people kill people
My other mask is a hockey mask
It’s not a conspiracy it’s just propaganda
Keep your laws off my body?
DON’T PANIC!!!
Hang the DJ
How soon is now?
DO NOT RESUSCITATE
If only…
COVID: it’s the law
~~Constitution~~ Coronavirus: the law of the land
Make Trump great again
America Is
Remember the Alamo?
SILENCED
I’m not a doctor I just look like one
I’m smarter than a doctor
I just got off my shift in the COVID unit
Does this mask make me look sick?
I’m actually immune
Furry Hat Elastic Mask
Just because you can’t SEE my TEETH doesn’t mean they’re not THERE
Boy, my nose is running
It’s my best disguise
I love mask shopping
If I were sick I’d be in bed
If I were sick I’d breathe on you
I can’t remember what I look like
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine
I’m Asymptomatic
Masks grow exponentially
Pandemonium
GAG ME
I should be allowed to think.
Is it just me or is this oppressive?