When to Upgrade Your Computer

Do you have a computer? If so, you’ve certainly considered adding more RAM, salivated over a more powerful graphics card, or perhaps thought about buying a whole new system. You’ve wondered: “Do I need to upgrade my computer?” Don’t lose sleep wondering. Just follow the simple directions below to determine whether or not you need more computing power.

  1. Does your computer run slowly, freeze up in the middle of an operation, or otherwise fail to cooperate?
    • Yes: skip to line 14
    • No: continue to line 2
  2. Are you the running out of room for programs, information, or media?
    • Yes: skip to line 14
    • No: continue to line 3
  3. In a separate bowl, whip the whites of three eggs until they form soft peaks.
  4. Does your computer make funny noises or smells?
    • Yes: skip to line 14
    • Never: continue to line 5
    • My computer barks occasionally, but it never smells like anything other than burning plastic: go back three spaces
  5. Gently fold the egg-whites into the butter mixture.
  6. Does your computer become impatient or make insulting remarks?
    • Yes: continue to line 7
    • No: skip to line 14
    • Only if I insult it first: go back to line 1
  7. Does your computer take too many sick days?
    • Yes: skip to line 14
    • No: continue to line 8
  8. Does your computer bring you breakfast in bed, at least on your birthday?
    • Yes: skip to line 10
    • Yes, but the toast is burnt: skip to line 13
    • Not for years: skip to line 14
  9. Alas, poor Yorick!
  10. Is your computer more than nine months old?
    • Yes: skip to line 14
    • No: continue to line 11
  11. Is your computer in good physical condition?
    • Yes: continue to line 12
    • No, it’s been putting on weight and has high blood pressure: skip to line 14
  12. Bake at 350° for about 40 minutes, or until a straw comes out clean.
  13. Is your computer responsive and powerful?
    • Yes: go to line 14
    • No: go back to line 8
  14. No doubt about it: you need to upgrade right away.

  15. “ASUS NVIDIA GeForce 210 silent graphics card with HDMI,” by Joydeep. CC BY-SA via wikimedia commons.

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