Do you have a computer? If so, you’ve certainly considered adding more RAM, salivated over a more powerful graphics card, or perhaps thought about buying a whole new system. You’ve wondered: “Do I need to upgrade my computer?” Don’t lose sleep wondering. Just follow the simple directions below to determine whether or not you need more computing power.
- Does your computer run slowly, freeze up in the middle of an operation, or otherwise fail to cooperate?
- Yes: skip to line 14
- No: continue to line 2
- Are you the running out of room for programs, information, or media?
- Yes: skip to line 14
- No: continue to line 3
- In a separate bowl, whip the whites of three eggs until they form soft peaks.
- Does your computer make funny noises or smells?
- Yes: skip to line 14
- Never: continue to line 5
- My computer barks occasionally, but it never smells like anything other than burning plastic: go back three spaces
- Gently fold the egg-whites into the butter mixture.
- Does your computer become impatient or make insulting remarks?
- Yes: continue to line 7
- No: skip to line 14
- Only if I insult it first: go back to line 1
- Does your computer take too many sick days?
- Yes: skip to line 14
- No: continue to line 8
- Does your computer bring you breakfast in bed, at least on your birthday?
- Yes: skip to line 10
- Yes, but the toast is burnt: skip to line 13
- Not for years: skip to line 14
- Alas, poor Yorick!
- Is your computer more than nine months old?
- Yes: skip to line 14
- No: continue to line 11
- Is your computer in good physical condition?
- Yes: continue to line 12
- No, it’s been putting on weight and has high blood pressure: skip to line 14
- Bake at 350° for about 40 minutes, or until a straw comes out clean.
- Is your computer responsive and powerful?
- Yes: go to line 14
- No: go back to line 8
- No doubt about it: you need to upgrade right away.
“ASUS NVIDIA GeForce 210 silent graphics card with HDMI,” by Joydeep. CC BY-SA via wikimedia commons.
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