Programmer Robert Burnish has invented a first-of-its-kind application in artificial intelligence, which he nevertheless claims is no more intelligent than its programmer.
To create this “Automatic Poetry Generator” as he calls it, Mr. Burnish had to program in both rhyme and reason, a difficult task for programmers, who generally know nothing about poetry, and even less about reason. “To generate lines of poetry, first you need what’s called a ‘rhyming dictionary,’ explained Mr. Burnish. “It’s easy enough to find one online. But then you have to make the computer come up with other words that make sentences, with the right number of syllables. The math is relatively simple, but getting meaning out of it is tricky.”
Here is the first “official” poem generated by the Automatic Poetry Generator, a monumental achievement of modern technology. Who needs Shakespeare when we have computers!
A Walk in the Park
by AI-R.BISH 1.0
I like to walk in the park.
You like to walk in the dark.
I strip the trees off the bark.
What kind of bird is a lark?
My computer is all that I need.
My printer has automatic feed.
My garden looks forward to seed.
Why spell lead the same way as lead?
It’s grand to have friends in high places,
Like astronauts flying through spaces,
Who sometimes can’t tie their shoelaces,
As if to uncover their bases.
Fire is hot, that is so true,
Not something I’d put my big toe to.
Regret is the one thing we both rue,
And death’s just a phase we all go through.
My grandparents always bring presents.
At Christmas we like to eat pheasant.
And usually everyone’s pleasant,
Even though once they were peasants.
Believe in yourself if you want.
There isn’t much for you to flaunt.
Your cheeks they look ever so gaunt.
You’re thin as a ghost and you haunt.
After that last verse, which Mr. Burnish took as a personal insult from his own computer program, he entered an escape sequence to stop the whole thing. He is currently working on a version that is more respectful to its maker. However, we think it might be good enough for The Flying News Literary Review. Cheerio!