Toledo Resident Celebrates Christmas 2021 in 2019

Catherine Sullivan, resident of Toledo, Ohio, has decided to celebrate Christmas 2021 in 2019. At The Flying News, we don’t usually get around to celebrating until December 24th, so we sent our roving reporter, Ryan Rocifero, to investigate this peculiar phenomenon.

Catherine Sullivan: Around here, if you haven’t started celebrating Christmas by mid-November, you’re a loser. It used to be that the day before Thanksgiving was early enough. Not anymore. Even November 16th is pretty late. So I decided to get a really big head start. I just skipped Christmas 2019 altogether, and have started celebrating Christmas 2021 this year. And what’s more, I’ve copyrighted the idea, so none of my neighbors can get in on this.

Ryan Rocifero: Of course, it’s not that easy to tell which year’s Christmas you’re celebrating.

CS: True, but you know those little things you put on your front door to annoy your neighbors?

RR: You mean the little boxes that have a skunk smell?

CS: No! I mean the little boxes that play irritating Christmas carols all night.

RR: Oh! Yes!

CS: Well, I got one of those to sing a special 2021 Christmas carol I wrote myself.

RR: Really?

CS: Yes. It’s called “Christmas 2021.” Would you like to hear it?

RR: Maybe some other time. Why don’t you tell me about the process of copyrighting your idea.

CS: I’ll sing it for you anyway:

RR: No, really. I’m sure it’s lovely, but maybe a different time.

CS: I insist . . .

It’s Christmas 2021;
I am having so much fun.
You are slow,
And I’m much faster.
I am first
And you are laster.

It’s Christmas 2021;
You can’t keep up, no matter how fast you run.
I am rubber,
You are glue,
My idea is totally new.

It’s Christmas 2021;
You are fat, and I am lean.
You’re as ugly as a spleen,
I am great and you are not
(So you should feel like a wad of snot).

RR: Thank you so much. I’m inspired.

CS: Now don’t take my idea and use it. It’s copyright, I tell you.

RR: Yes, but is it possible to copyright the idea of celebrating Christmas 24 months early.

CS: Of course. Otherwise I couldn’t have copyrighted it, could I? Besides, last year I copyrighted the idea of celebrating it twelve months early. This is even better.

RR: So how did you copyright your idea.

CS: That’s a secret.

RR: Thanks for talking with us.

“The Nativity of Christ,” by Ranosonar. Public domain via Wikimedia Commons.

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