How to Clean A Room

So you’ve read our previous article, “Organization for the Organized,” and you’ve mastered the basic organizational skill of list-making. Tremendous! You’ve accomplished something; you’re off to a good start.

What’s next?

Well, we can presume that you now have a few items on that list of yours. The chances are, as our diligent research indicates, exactly 179 to 267 that cleaning some room or other is one of the most pressing of those items.1 So, how should you, an already organized person, go about cleaning that most pressing room? Follow the simple steps below; before you know it, you’ll be experiencing the glow of clean-room accomplishment.

    Cleaning a Room

  1. Pull everything off the shelves and dump it into a pile in the middle of the floor. Use a laser measure to make sure that it’s in the exact middle. For irregularly shaped rooms, use simple geometry to find the center. If the room has any curved surfaces, you may need to use some calculus.
  2. Gaze at the pile in despair. If the pile is not sufficiently massive to effectively induce depression, bring in more articles from nearby rooms, places of business, or recreational facilities, then repeat step 1.
  3. Calculate the volume, mean density, and center of mass for your pile.
  4. Despair a bit more, just so you can wallow in the experience. Bring in a pig for some masterful wallowing mentorship.
  5. Contemplate the possibility of bringing in a bulldozer. Consider setting your room on fire instead.
  6. Decide that your pile might contain too many non-flammable items.
  7. Look up the price of bulldozer rental. Consider setting your room on fire instead. Return to step 4 as many times as desired.
  8. Build some shelves.
  9. Shut your eyes, pick up a few items, spin around twice, then place the items on three different shelves.
  10. Open your eyes. Arrange the items in a more logical order.
  11. Repeat step 9.
  12. Think about other possible logical orders you could use to arrange your items. Go back to step 1.

“Messy Storage Room with Boxes,” by i ♥ happy!! from NY, NY (Flickr). CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons. Modifications by The Flying News.

  1. Technically, “most pressing” is defined as “the item on your list that your wife (or, as the case may be, husband) most frequently encourages you to complete.”

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