Unlimited Universal Credit and Loan Introduces Optional Bills

In the modern world, no one likes being coerced into doing anything. (There is some evidence that people didn’t like it in the ancient world either.)1 So it was, seemingly, only a matter of time before someone did what Unlimited Universal Credit and Loan (UUCL) announced just yesterday: instituted optional bills! Think how much more popular bills will be now that you don’t have to pay them.

UUCL has yet to spell out all the details of their new plan. It seems that you can transfer some or all of your bills to UUCL’s optional bill-pay service for a small (and optional) fee.

Inside sources have revealed that the optional bill-pay contract grants UUCL the right to confiscate all your property and grind you up for fertilizer. But you can trust them not to take advantage of that.

“The Moneylender,” by Gerrit Dou. Public domain via Wikimedia Commons.

  1. See Iulius Caesar, Imperii Romani Inceptio (Roma: Editores Tyrranorum, 44 b. c.)

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