A Solution for Mosquito Bites

Some kind of flying bug on The Flying News.

You probably don’t like mosquito bites. In our opinion, they are itchy and irritating. But there is a solution. Rather than letting the mosquitoes eat you, eat them first.

If you’re not convinced of the imminent danger of mosquitoes, consider the following cases. One woman reported a whole host of mosquito eggs laid in her neighbour’s sandbox, which had filled with rainwater. The young mosquitoes were found playing in the sandbox with her own 2-year-old daughter, which filled her with disgust. In addition, a man named Bob is known to have suffered upwards of 34 mosquito bites during the one hour he spent outside while grilling hamburgers for his family a few weeks ago. While this may not be a Guinness World Record, it is certainly cause for alarm. Finally, in the U.K., the Prime Minister almost declared a state of national emergency when he heard that mosquitoes were invading Buckingham Palace. In fact, until malaria went underground in First World Countries, mosquitoes were one of the most hated—or shall we say, loathed—insects in the news.

So you’d better start eating those mosquitoes if you don’t want them to eat you. If you’re a bat, this is probably nothing new to you. But for the rest of us, here are some tips on eating mosquitoes.

  • Cook mosquitoes in a fry pan or in the oven. Don’t use the toaster, since it’s hard to keep them in long enough to fully cook.
  • If you like making candy, try coating them in chocolate or hard candy. “Mosquito brittle” is a popular favourite in some parts.
  • For fried or baked mosquito, eat one or two at a time. If you stuff a hundred in your mouth at once, you’ll probably gag.
  • Pretend you’re a bird. Mosquitoes taste much better when you’re a bird.
  • Call for a hypnotist. Hypnotists claim they can convince people that all kinds of disgusting things are pleasant. They may be able to make you enjoy eating mosquitoes.
  • Add ketchup. Ketchup makes everything taste better.
  • Serve them with rice to unsuspecting family members. The easiest way, by far, of eating mosquitoes, is to get someone else to do it for you.

Some of these tips may also work for other pests, like spiders, ticks, lice, and mice. However, flavours may vary significantly.


2 Comments

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  1. Felis domesticus says:

    Mice brittle–mouth watering.

    1. Grammaticus says:

      Shouldn’t it be mouse-brittle?

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