Book Review: The Only Book About Anything At All You’ll Ever Need To Know

I. M. Genius. The Only Book About Anything At All You’ll Ever Need To Read. Omniscience Press., 2018, 11,293 pp., $57.93 hardcover.

If there’s one thing I like in a book, it’s intelligence. And this book, if the title is anything like accurate, promises a double helping (at least). So it was with high hopes that I picked up this book.

Alas, my hopes were dashed almost at once—this book is so heavy that I couldn’t get it to fly across the room towards Ryan Rocifero’s head. What a disappointment!

After I recovered from this monstrous mishap, I thought about possible other uses for the overly-weighty tome. Perhaps it could be a useful weight if I wanted to build muscle. Unfortunately, building muscle requires exercise, and they only exercise I have time for in my busy day is eating doughnuts. So that possibility fizzles.

After more thought, I decided that the book might have some use as a frying pan. So I found some butter and a few doughnuts, and put it to the test. Alas, before my doughnuts were thoroughly warmed over, the book started squeaking and producing an unpleasant smell. Clearly this was not the best plan.

So, all in all, I’m really not too impressed with this work. Impressive seeming at first, but without lasting interest and completely lacking in literary merit. What a disappointment.

However, I could be mistaken about all of this, since I didn’t actually read the book.

“El Jem Museum mosaic dionysos detail,” by damian entwistle CC BY-SA 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons.


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  1. As it happens, I did manage to read the back cover of the book before Vim put it to the stove test. I liked the quote from Harold Somethingorother which said “Don’t bother reading any other books!” I thoroughly agree with that, so there must be some merit to the author’s points, even if they don’t actually mean anything. Besides that, I noticed a lack of words like “thrilling” and “exciting,” which are always used to describe books that are complete junk; so that is certainly a plus. I give it three and a half thumbs sideways, on a scale of one to infinity.

    1. Vim Vocifero says:

      Personally, I feel thrilled when people refer to anything I write as “exciting.” I can’t think what you have against these awesome emotive words.

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