Blurbs for the Depressed

Have you ever wondered

. . . about those little cheery quotes on the back of books (sometimes known as blurbs)? Who could possibly be that glowingly gushing? Nobody I know, at any rate (or maybe it’s just the way people behave when I’m around).


. . . Perhaps it’s some kind of drug that editors feed people to get something to say on the backs of books. . . .


At any rate, we tried an experiment: we gave one of those (oh so soppily recommended) books to real people (without giving them drugs), and recorded their reactions. We reproduce them below, unedited, for your edification:


“This book changed my life. Before reading it, I was happy-go-lucky, living my life with a smile on my lips and a song in my heart. Now, all I can think about is how sad, miserable, and meaningless existence is. My cheeks are scored with deep lines where the tears roll down.”



“I can’t believe I wasted so much of my life on such trash. I can’t believe I spent even a minute on it, in fact. Compared to this book, the income tax code is a thriller and the telephone directory is profound.”


“You know how they say Shakespeare’s works were written by monkeys? Well this book was definitely written by slugs . . . or maybe nematodes. And it couldn’t have taken them more than about ten minutes.”


“This book should be marketed as a sleep aid. It works better than any drug I’ve ever tried, and the only side effect is the desire to vomit whenever I see the foul thing.”


“Poor Cupid/Love Ensnared,” by Edmonia Lewis (1845-1907). Public domain, Smithsonian American Art Museum via Wikimedia Commons.
“That’s Outrageous!” by sine nomine. CC BY-SA 4.0 via Wikimedia Commons

Add a Comment Here (This Means You!):

Your email is safe and will not be published, shared, sold, bought, or used to order doughnuts. Required fields are marked *

Note that, in an effort to prevent comment spam and manipulation by computational bacteria, certain words (including a number of brand names) will prevent your comment from being submitted.