Blurbs for the Depressed

Have you ever wondered

. . . about those little cheery quotes on the back of books (sometimes known as blurbs)? Who could possibly be that glowingly gushing? Nobody I know, at any rate (or maybe it’s just the way people behave when I’m around).

 

. . . Perhaps it’s some kind of drug that editors feed people to get something to say on the backs of books. . . .

 

At any rate, we tried an experiment: we gave one of those (oh so soppily recommended) books to real people (without giving them drugs), and recorded their reactions. We reproduce them below, unedited, for your edification:

 

“This book changed my life. Before reading it, I was happy-go-lucky, living my life with a smile on my lips and a song in my heart. Now, all I can think about is how sad, miserable, and meaningless existence is. My cheeks are scored with deep lines where the tears roll down.”

 

 

“I can’t believe I wasted so much of my life on such trash. I can’t believe I spent even a minute on it, in fact. Compared to this book, the income tax code is a thriller and the telephone directory is profound.”

 

“You know how they say Shakespeare’s works were written by monkeys? Well this book was definitely written by slugs . . . or maybe nematodes. And it couldn’t have taken them more than about ten minutes.”

 

“This book should be marketed as a sleep aid. It works better than any drug I’ve ever tried, and the only side effect is the desire to vomit whenever I see the foul thing.”

 


“Poor Cupid/Love Ensnared,” by Edmonia Lewis (1845-1907). Public domain, Smithsonian American Art Museum via Wikimedia Commons.
“That’s Outrageous!” by sine nomine. CC BY-SA 4.0 via Wikimedia Commons


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