Recently,1 I’ve been considering buying a motor vehicle. This makes me quite an expert on motor vehicle purchases—or maybe it just makes me an expert on considering buying a vehicle. Anyway, whether my expertise is a purchasing expertise, or merely a consideration expertise, I’ve managed to break the process of purchasing, or at least of purchasing consideration, into a few easy steps, as follows:
- Decide that a brand new vehicle would be really nice to have.
- Think about what kind of vehicle you want to buy.
- Make a list.
- Figure out how much each vehicle on your list costs.
- Cross off the vehicles that cost too much.
- Realize that there no vehicles left on your list.
- Decide to save some money with a used vehicle.
- Repeat steps 3 through 6.
- Give up in despair.
- Decide that you still need a vehicle.
- Consider a moped or electric bicycle.
- Repeat step 1.
- Repeat steps 3 through 6.
- Repeat step 7.
- Repeat steps 3 through 6.
- Repeat step 9.
- Decide to buy a plain-old-pedal-powered-bicycle.
- Repeat steps 12 through 15.
- Decide to buy a new pair of walking shoes.
- Repeat steps 12 through 15.
At any rate, this is the process I followed. I’ve decided to just stay in bed and forget all that business of transportation. This may cause problems when I run out of doughnuts, however.
Note from Jim Jocifero:
If the reader succeeds in obtaining a new vehicle, it would look smashing with a bumper sticker won in our horoscope contest. If not, well, it might look good on a pair of walking shoes, too.
- For the purposes of this article, “recently” is defined (following the Modern Dictionary of Contemporary Recentness) as “after work for the last few days.” ↩
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