Aries: Your life blows by like the wind in a hurricane. But don’t worry, eventually it will end.
Taurus: Ride around on your bike, fall down, scrape an elbow, get back up, repeat.
Gemini: Sometimes you just don’t know if your life is worth living. And then you read your horoscope, and you realise, everything’s going your way.
Cancer: Of the lungs.
Leo: Maybe if you think you’re successful, you’ll start to be successful. Or maybe you’ll just get laughed at.
Virgo: Don’t forget to pay the electric bill.
Libra: Sally, did you leave these dirty socks in my teacup? They look like yours.
Scorpio: Trust in the future. And if it hits you, hit it back.
Sagittarius: An afternoon sunrise suddenly wakes you. And it probably means you’re working too late. Or waking too early. Or something.
Capricorn: If dreams can come true, it’s mostly for other people.
Aquarius: Zodiac or maniac? You may never know.
Picses: bmp, jpg, tiff.
If today is your birthday: You’re probably sleeping, nursing, or crying for a change of diaper.
If today is your death day: Try not to read your horoscope.