Turkeys Invade Ohio Suburb

Vim Vocifero
4 May 2017

An alert reader recently communicated the following excerpt from a local news-publication:

A Westerville [Ohio] caller reported that several turkeys were disrupting traffic by chasing cars in the roadway. . . . When police arrived, the turkeys had left the area.1

Ever eager to find out the real truth behind what passes for news these days, we sent Ryan Rocifero, roving reporter, to investigate. His report is as follows:

When I first arrived at the intersection indicated in the original story, I saw no turkeys at all. I didn’t see any cars either, so I decided to take a nap in a tree.

After my nap, I opened my eyes and looked around. I saw a car coming along. As no turkey appeared to pursue it, I felt that the motorist might well be overcome with disappointment. So I decided to help out. Gobbling my best gobble, I popped out from my roving roost, and set off in hot pursuit. Much to my chagrin, the motorist did not even notice.

“Wild Turkey (25473218982),” by Andy Reago & Chrissy McClarren. CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons.

  1. Police Beat, ThisWeek Westerville News & Public Opinion, April 13, 2017. ↩

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