Door Bell and Knocker Testing

Jim Jocifero
28 January 2017

The following ad has come to our attention. We find it disgusting, reprehensible, and downright repulsive: not the least bit fit to publish.

Need a special gift for a special someone this
Valentine’s Day? Why not give them the gift of
Door Bell and/or Knocker Testing?

We offer top-of-the-line, best-on-the-block, knock-your-socks-off testing services at reasonable rates.

We come to your house (or that special someone’s house) and test the door knocker and/or bell several times and at varying intervals to test the full range of knocking and/or bell-ringing abilities, from quiet to loud, from slow to fast, from steady to stuttery. We test every frequency in the door knocker/bell spectrum, and don’t stop testing until we’re absolutely sure that it’s working right. Even if it takes several hours, we never give up, and you’re left with the sure knowledge that the door knocker/bell is fully functional.

Plus, as a special bonus, if there’s anything wrong with your door knocker/bell, we’ll be happy to tell you exactly how much it will cost to fix it.

Call today! Not tomorrow! No time to waste!
Today! Today! Hip-hip-hooray!

“Andelsbuch Pfarrkirche—Hauptportal 3 Türklopfer,” by Wolfgang Sauber. CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons.

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