Pie Making Comeback

Still Life with Pie, Silver Ewer and Crab by Willem Claeszoon Heda (1658).

While you can’t “have your cake and eat it too,” you can “have your piece of the pie” if you walk into almost any bakery or grocery. In fact, pie is making a comeback, as many people now see cake as a thing of the past, a boring, leftover, stale remnant of the latter half of the 20th Century (or their last in-law’s birthday party).

In Europe and America, the 21st Century began with the cupcake fad—until people realised that, because cupcakes are actually a lot smaller than a real cake, they don’t really fill the dessert compartment of the human stomach very well. (According to our own research, you need at least 3 or 4 cupcakes to fill the dessert compartment.)1

Then something happened. One young baker opened up his grandmother’s recipe card file from the 1940s and found something called “pie” in the dessert section. Intrigued, he took a closer look at several cards, and found recipes like “Apple Pie,” “Cherry Pie,” “Mincemeat Pie,” “Apricot Pie,” “Vinegar Pie,” (yes, VINEGAR pie), “Apple-Cherry Pie,” “Apple-Cherry-Apricot-Vinegar-Mincemeat Pie,” “Rotten Apple Pie,” and “Boston Cream Pie.” This baker, a Mr. Garrett Smithy (no relation to Granny Smithy), started making these pies for his customers, who immediately fell in love with them, especially the heart-shaped ones.

Next thing you know, another trend had started. People started buying pies everywhere, for every occasion—and I must admit I’ve even eaten one or two myself. In fact, pie has made such a comeback that it now accounts for 50.0001% of pie or cake sales in a certain neck of the woods. And in case you don’t believe my statistics, here’s a pie chart to prove it.

Pie chart showing pie accounts for 50.0001% of sales.

Pie sales overtake cake sales in pie-cake sales.

And now you can buy a pie for any occasion. There are birthday pies, anniversary pies, graduation pies, Christmas pies, New Year’s pies, Valentine’s Day pies, Pi Day pies, Ash Wednesday pies, May Day pies, Flag Day pies, Bastille Day pies, Rembrandt Day pies, Bosses Day pies, Employee Appreciation Day pies, Penuche Fudge Day pies, Chili Dog Day pies, Obscure Holiday Appreciation Day pies, after-school pies, before-school pies, tea time pies, work day pies, sick day pies, oil change day pies, and Other day pies.

So, you see, pie has indeed made a great comeback. In celebration of this great accomplishment for the pie industry, here are some good pie comebacks in case you need them:

  • Better watch your mouth or you’ll get a pie in the face.
  • You don’t like my nose? Well I don’t like your pie.
  • I may be dumb, but at least I know how to throw a pie.
  • 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510…
  • Your mother makes vinegar pie.
  • You’re a real sourpuss. You must be the guy who ate the rotten apple pie I left in the fridge last month.
  • …And a partridge in a pear pie.

Still Life with Pie, Silver Ewer and Crab by Willem Claeszoon Heda (1658). Public domain via Wikimedia Commons.

  1. We found 3 or 4 doughnuts to be more satisfying, honestly.

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