Are you concerned about alien invasion? Probably not, but the International Planetary Protection Association (IPPA) is.
Very concerned.
So concerned, in fact, that they have proposed the construction of the largest ever LCD screen. Large enough, in fact, to cover the entire planet. When we first heard about this, we wondered what this project had to do with protecting the planet from invaders. We contacted IPPA Chairman Eliachim “Pinky” Pinkers, who explained that
Whether the aliens which invade are actually capable of individual thought or (as seems more likely) only simulate consciousness when their brains (or equivalents) are connected by electronic devices, any beings capable of interstellar travel are almost certainly capable of destroying, enslaving, or otherwise exploiting our planet. At our current level of technology, we really have no hope of armed defence. So we have begun collecting funding for a planet covering LCD screen. We will use this display as protective camouflage, to make our planet seem inhospitable and devoid of interest to hostile or curious visitors.
The Society for the Promotion of Amicable Interplanetary Relations (SPAIR) has publicly criticized IPPA’s proposal. Eustace “Firm” Firmi issued a statement last night inviting “all those interested in interstellar goodwill and cooperation” to “oppose the isolationist and xenophobic plans of those idiots at IPPA.”
“Hurrican Linda West of Mexico/Blue Marble,” by NASA/ GSFC/ NOAA/ USGS. Public domain.
“CADPAT digital camouflage pattern (Canadian Forces),” by Aboutblank11. Public domain.
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When the aliens come, why don’t we just show them scary pictures. I bet if we had a giant head of Justin Bieber, they’d run away really fast. I sure would.