International Overpopulation Union Puts the “International” Back Into “Overpopulation”

The non-profit organisation International Overpopulation Union (IOU) recently launched a new initiative to fight overpopulation by seeking suicide volunteers in First-World nations and matching them with sponsored persons from China, India, and other developing countries who desire to take their places. To avoid the red tape and bureaucracy associated with immigration law, IOU has patented a system of identity exchange, whereby the sponsor assumes the identity of the sponsored, and vice versa. During or after the suicide, depending on the duration of the act, a death certificate is issued in the name of the person from the developing nation, who then assumes the property and occupation of the now-dead sponsor.

A pilot program has shown great success and allowed IOU to iron out details in its procedures. The first group included twelve men from the United States, United Kingdom, and Western Europe, matched with men (and one woman)1 from China and India.

One man, a recently laid-off factory worker from Tengzhou, China, assumed the identity of a New York stock broker who was tired of his life and happy to end it for a good cause. Now living in an upscale NYC high-rise apartment building, Thomas Menshaw (formerly Min Chang) is enjoying life, practicing his English with some 200 clients, and has begun investing heavily in overseas trade.

Another man, who used to raise goats in a rural Indian town, is now a brain surgeon in the UK, preparing for his first surgery as Dr. Jacob Smith. As the former Dr. Smith was renowned for his precision and his ability to remove the tiniest bit of cancerous tissue from between sensitive arteries, the new Dr. Smith has had no problem attracting patients, who (in the interests of perimortem confidentiality) know nothing of the IOU program. Of course, they would certainly be happy to know they are being taken care of by someone who really loves life and wants to live it to the full, rather than a grumpy old man, was bored to death after having reached the height of his profession and had nothing else to look forward to.

The IOU program is not yet open to minors, but some angst-ridden teenagers have expressed an interest, hoping they can make a difference in the world and bring some good out of their depressing lives. “Maybe some poor kid in India would like to take my place, go to public school here in the U.S., and drive my parents crazy with Bollywood soundtracks,” says one Mark Ginley of Boston, Massachusetts. “And maybe my parents would be happier with someone who keeps his room clean and studies hard to get into to med school.”

“World-Population-1800-2100,” by Tga.D. based on Aetheling’s work. CC BY-SA 3.0. Via Wikimedia Commons. Altered by The Flying News.

  1. This is no problem, due to the progressive understanding of gender in many western nations.

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