A Handy Guide to Shelf Life

Vim Vocifero
27 November 2015

Have you ever wondered if your favorite treat, your newest purchase, or your moldy leftovers are still good enough to eat? Perhaps, when walking into your kitchen, you’ve been concerned about the freshness of your cabinets—maybe you’ve left them out too long. If you have any such worries, just refer to our handy guide:
 

 

 

 

 

Item

Typical Shelf Life

Store At
Kitchen Cabinets 1.7 years1 76° F
Doughnuts 5 minutes N/A
Jet Airplane 17.3 years 327° K
Hovercraft 11 months 1.2rad
Fashionable Clothing 3.2 nanoseconds DO NOT STORE!
World Peace 2.3746 femtoseconds -41° C
Cheese Food Infinite2 36° F

“Funny Rice Cooker Face is Sick and Puking,” by epSos.de. CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons.

  1. After about 5.4 months, your wife will start to complain that the cabinets are dated and need to be replaced. She is mistaken: they should be good for at least another year. ↩
  2. Nobody eats the stuff, after all. ↩
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