Normally we at The Flying News don’t sell things, but this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance for us to make lots and lots of money!
If you buy our free guide to publishing your own poetry, entitled The Flying News Guide To Publishing Your Own Poetry, you’ll get great advice for publishing your own poetry, just like the title suggests!
You’ll read fascinating gems and rules-of-thumb(s) like:
- Before you publish your poetry, make sure you have written some poems.
- In poems and even the title of your poetry volume, use curse words sparingly. Just because you’re thinking “Oh, #$%*! I feel like &^@*! I wish it would all just *%@# to ^$*&#!” doesn’t mean you need to write it down.
- Don’t just sell your book to your family and friends. Chances are, they can’t make you any more famous than you already are. Try a real publishing company.
- Don’t guilt all your friends and family into buying your book. Chances are, they won’t read it, if they do they won’t like it, and they might just bury every copy with your body when you die.
- If you write children’s poetry, try to sell it to children, as the Ice Cream Man does. (They have ways of getting money from their parents.)
- If you write poetry in another language, make sure there are still people alive who speak that language.
- Shakespeare is still considered the greatest poet in the English language, even though he wrote mostly plays.
- Dramatic readings can sometimes boost sales. A good rule of thumb is “the more drama, the more sales.”
- Poetry can’t be eaten. Try to find an audience that is well-fed.
- Some well-known poets were also drug addicts. This doesn’t mean you have to become one, too. A drug addict, I mean.
- It also doesn’t mean you’ll be a good poet if you already are a drug addict.
- Some terrible poets are terribly famous. I’m not sure why.
- “Fame can have strange effects.”
To buy this free Guide1, write to:
The Flying News
New York, NY
The Flying News
or if you’re living in the space station, radio us directly.
Price is negotiable. This book is worth its weight in tar and feathers!
- The entire content of The Flying News Guide To Publishing Your Own Poetry is contained in this article, but the book is printed in size 288 font so it contains hundreds of pages of good advice. Note that 288 is two gross. ↩