You know what? I frequently interact with plants in ways that are not entirely to my satisfaction. While poison ivy is the most obvious example of unsatisfactory plant-Vim Vocifero interaction, every time I run into a tree when I’m walking in the woods or find those annoying prickles attached to my socks after a long day in the office, I can’t help but wonder if evolution is really doing as good a job as it should. I mean, wouldn’t you think that after all these billions of years, evolution would have realized that slugs are just a bad idea?
Anyway, even if evolution is too stupid to have figured it out, some smart scientists or whatever at Ultimate Universal Technology have finally started to do something about annoying plant trends. From now on, a select, but increasingly wide, group of plants will feature interactive buttons, which will allow passersby to guide the course of plant evolution in a more immediate and satisfying way. So next time you pass by a rose and the smell isn’t quite right, don’t pull out your flamethrower and incinerate the offending flower—just push the button for a sweeter smell, and the plant will attempt to adapt itself to your desires right away. That’s evolution we can all believe in!
“Leaf 1 Web,” by Jon Sullivan. Public domain via Wikimedia Commons. Altered by Lynn Locifero.