New Fords May Require Gluten-Free Gasoline

Last week, Ford™ announced that, starting next year, select vehicle models will require gluten-free gasoline. This announcement has caused a significant amount of concern for motorists, many of whom fear that gluten-free gasoline may prove expensive or hard to obtain. Nicholas Cunniff, a spokesman for the American Association of Medical Mechanics, has publicly criticized Ford’s decision, claiming that “there is no medical or mechanical need for gluten-free gasoline. Gluten-free gas is simply a fad, and a stupid one.”

Carol Q. Dunbar, marketing director for Ford’s ‘New Initiatives’ division, explains that:

With U.S. sales slightly down last year, we needed to do something to make the automobile seem trendier and more contemporary. With an increasingly diet conscious public, requiring gluten-free gasoline seemed like a great way to show that Fords are as relevant and avant-gard as ever. Many of our customers are attempting to avoid consuming gluten, and it seems only reasonable for their cars to be gluten-free as well.1 Besides, we get paid rather a lot of money in the ‘New Initiatives’ division, and we thought we had better think up something interesting to make it seem like we’re worth the expense.

“Gas Station Pump Five Octane Ratings,” by Bobak. CC BY-SA 2.5 )] via Wikimedia Commons.
Gluten free symbol copyright by AOECS (Association Of European Coeliac Societies). Used with permission, via Wikimedia Commons.
Alterations by The Flying News.

  1. And the cars won’t complain about irresistible cravings for bread and cake.

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