New Discovery in Elemental Energy

Heads growing up from the dirt.

Researchers at the Hye Faluten Centre of Energy and Commerce in Glasgow, Scotland, have discovered a novel method of harvesting renewable energy. While their studies hitherto have focused on hydrogen fuel cells and solar panels to collect energy from water and the sun, Dr. Garret Dunne has recently begun studying an old, but mostly forgotten, method of harvesting these and other elemental energies, which he discovered by accident while visiting a remote colonial island.

Primitive peoples have apparently been using something called “farming,” or “gardening,” to harness energy from both the sun and water without the help of modern science. Moreover, their practices make use of chemical energy found in, of all things, dirt, which has both simple and complex molecules that actually can be turned into something quite usable. This is the sort of breakthrough technologists have been seeking for several decades, a way to turn something apparently useless into a form that provides necessary energy for human beings.

This “agriculture,” as it is called, starts with plants, mostly of the edible varieties, which can be propagated either by seeds separated from natural fruit before eating or, sometimes, from branches of a mother plant. The plants are usually propagated from parent-plants that have desirable characteristics, thus extending these characteristics to the offspring plants, which are then grown under somewhat controlled conditions to yield the best harvest. The seeds or branches have the ability to root in soil, and as long as they receive enough sunlight and the soil is watered regularly, they will, in technical terms, suck up the good stuff in the soil, grow, and bear fruit.

The best part is that, rather than converting the energy to something harmful to the human body (like electricity), farming converts the energy of the sun, dirt, and water into something directly usable, which is taken by mouth in order to strengthen and invigorate the human person. The produce can also be combined to form extremely satisfying, delectable treats, often by adding part of the sugarcane plant.

Another branch of farming includes animal products, which require much less sunlight, and so can be grown indoors, or in houses, caves, or wooded areas. These typically require some form of vegetation for food, thus taking away part of the yield of the vegetable garden, but often result in much tastier products which are called, in general, “meat.”

It seems that these methods of harvesting free energy were known to ancient peoples, but have largely been lost in the developed world, where we have come to rely on energy produced by nuclear reactions and burning things. Without a full scientific analysis, it is difficult to determine whether these methods are more efficient than our usual ways of generating energy, but this is not outside the realm of possibility.

At the very least, this is a remarkable breakthrough in the field of renewable energy, and it may even have the potential to lead to an entirely new branch of science.

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